10 Gaslighting Signs in an Abusive Relationship video


Main techniques of Gaslighting

People who do Gaslighting usually use the following techniques:

1. They tell blatant lies

You know what he is saying is a lie. Yet he is telling this lie with such assurance that it really makes you hesitate. With this attitude, he creates a precedent and generates doubt and indecision.

2. They deny that they ever said anything, even though you have proof

You know he said he was going to do something, and you know you heard it. But they flatly deny it. It makes you start questioning your reality, maybe you never said that ... And the more it does, the more you question your reality and start accepting theirs.

3. Use what is close and dear to you to attack you

Know how important your children are to you, and know how important your identity and self-esteem are. So these may be one of the first things that attack. If you have children, they may even tell you that you shouldn't have had those children. It will tell you that you would be a worthy person only if you did not have a long list of negative traits. He or she attacks the foundation of your well-being.

4. Your actions do not match your words

What he is saying does not mean anything, let him finish speaking and watch what he does. His actions are more sincere than his words.

5. Use positive reinforcement to confuse you

First he tells you that you're not worth it and then he praises you for something you did. This adds an additional sense of inquiry. You think, "Well, maybe it's not that bad." But it is a calculated strategy to keep you down again and again, to question your reality.

6. They know that confusion weakens people

Gaslighters know that people like to have a sense of stability and normality. Their goal is to eradicate this and it will make you constantly question everything. And the natural tendency of human beings is to look at the person who helps them feel more stable, and this person becomes the Gaslighter.

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7. They use projection

Projection is the act of placing unacceptable feelings on another person. For example, a person who feels inferior constantly accuses others of being stupid or incompetent. The goal of screening is to shift responsibility and blame from oneself to someone else. Victims of emotional abuse are not always children of someone else's feelings, they are being projected onto them, so they interpret these feelings as their own.

8. They try to turn people against you

Gaslighters are masters of manipulation. They know how to find the people who will side with you and against you. They can make comments like: "This person knows that he is not well", or "this person also knows that you are useless". Keep in mind that it does not mean that these people actually said these things. A Gaslighter is a compulsive liar. When the Gaslighter uses this tactic it makes you feel like you don't know who to trust, so you start avoiding friendships and your world is reduced to the Gaslighter. And that's exactly what you want: Isolation gives you more control.

9. It will make others believe that they are crazy

This is one of the easiest tools of the Gaslighter, because it achieves the indifference of others. He knows that if you question your sanity, people don't believe you when you tell them that you are abusive or out of control. It is a master technique.

10. They tell everyone else that you are a liar

Telling everyone else (family, friends or even on social media) that you are a liar, again makes you question your reality. This is one more manipulation technique. It causes others to question all your information, believing that it is not really "correct".

10 signs of Gaslighting

You constantly doubt yourself.

Start wondering if you are too sensitive.

Often you feel confused and have a hard time making simple decisions.

You constantly apologize.

You cannot understand why you are so unhappy.

You often excuse that person's behavior.

You feel like you can't do anything right.

Often you feel like you are not good enough for others.

You have the feeling that before you used to be a more confident, relaxed and happy person.

You don't really communicate with your friends and family, so you avoid explaining things.

Gaslighting usually occurs gradually in a relationship, so gradually that the abusive partner's actions appear harmless at first. But over time, the loss begins to make you feel confused, anxious, isolated, and depressed, and you even lose track of what's really going on. 

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