A conscience that hurts

18.12.2020
Few thoughts are more devastating than realizing that almost no one cares about us. Behind this sensation, very complex realities can be hidden that are worth stopping at.

"Why do I feel like nobody cares about me?". To become aware of this idea is little more than an emotional slap, it is to be plunged into a state of absolute unease and that kind of corrosive loneliness that shakes the psychic balance. Likewise, there is no more destructive thought than that of someone who does not feel loved, appreciated or valued.

What can be done about this reality? In the first place, when someone tells us this phrase, it is necessary to assess the reality of the situation. This happens, inevitably, to delve into the possibility that whoever makes this statement to us is suffering from a depressive disorder. These negative ideas and permeated by bitter hopelessness are undoubtedly the reflection of this condition.

On the other hand, we cannot deny the evidence either. We are a society sick with loneliness and this feeling increases every year , both in older people and in the younger generations. Feeling that no one cares about us is the lament of those who lack a valid, close and meaningful social network. We analyze it.

Why do I feel like nobody cares about me

When someone asks themselves " why do I feel like nobody cares about me? What he experiences is high suffering. And, faced with this, we cannot turn our faces. Moreover, at times, this comment can be especially painful for those who do love, appreciate and value whoever is expressing this idea out loud. Instead of getting angry or reproaching him for something, we must become aware of several things.

The first is that that person may be going through a difficult time. The second is that this feeling, far from being unfounded, is real and the environment is not acting correctly. It is necessary, therefore, to analyze the whole context, to be brave to highlight facts that we may be neglecting.

The fragile bonds and the feeling of real loneliness

The University of Pennsylvania conducted a study in 2016 to assess what we understand by feeling loved. The results showed a great variability on what it is for people to feel loved, respected and validated. However, there were factors in common:

  • Don't feel uncertain. Perceiving that affection is constant, that there are no ups and downs and times in which we are appreciated and moments in which we are ignored, is an essential factor.
  • Another element is communication: being told what we mean to someone offers us security.

However, one of the reasons why I feel like no one cares about me is because of fragile ties. An example of this is the family that claims to love us, but is not there when we need it. Friends who judge more than support. Couples that do not last or that simply make us feel lonely despite having them around.

The weight of untreated trauma

There are many people who carry the mark of psychological trauma and this raises the perception of loneliness. Unmanaged, treated and managed pain makes it difficult to establish strong bonds.

What's more, sometimes a lot is demanded of a relationship, it's done in a desperate attempt to ease yesterday's wounds with current ties, and that doesn't always work.

The permanent feeling of loneliness is a common occurrence in people with post-traumatic stress disorder. Studies, such as the one carried out at the University of Tilburg (Netherlands), support this fact.

The depression that you don't see, but that is there

If you've been asking yourself for a while "why do I feel like no one cares about me?" You may be dealing with depression. However, people are not always aware of it, we become familiar with suffering and scab over. We drag those emotions laden with frustration, sadness, bitterness and loneliness in silence for months without acting.

It is important to know what are the symptoms associated with depression, to take the step and seek professional help:

  • Loss of motivation and pleasure ( anhedonia ). We stop enjoying what we were previously passionate about or interested in.
  • Physical exhaustion.
  • Sleep disturbances: insomnia or sleeping excessively.
  • Feelings of anger, frustration and hopelessness.
  • Feeling of loneliness and guilt at the same time.
  • Need for isolation.
  • Thoughts loaded with negativity.

Why do I feel like nobody cares about me? The voice of low self-esteem

When we hear someone say " nobody cares about me " what is evident, at times, is a negative self-perception. Simply put, someone who is not appreciated or valued does not feel worthy of affection. This devaluation towards oneself can reach problematic extremes in which one may even believe that one is not worthy of being loved.

Low self-esteem is, in most cases, the curtail of many relationships, because it is accompanied by insecurity and a good number of irrational beliefs with which to boycott all ties.

What can I do when I have this feeling?

When we ask ourselves "why do I feel like nobody cares about me?" there is a feeling behind that we must deal with. The first thing is to clarify what motivates him, what is really happening in me and in my life to experience that exhausting reality.

  • If my problem is loneliness and a lack of meaningful relationships, perhaps you are forced to make changes . At present, and thanks to new technologies, we can meet people with similar tastes. Let's look for relationships that are enriching and sincere.
  • Let us become aware that we are people worthy of authentic love, of being valued, cared for and recognized . If the figures that surround us now bring us more slights than certainties, more problems than moments, happily perhaps we should make decisions.
  • In addition to addressing the quality of our relationships, it is essential that we attend to our self-esteem . The person who is valued and appreciated feels worthy not only to be loved, but to receive the best love possible.

Last but not least, if the fact that we feel that we are not important to anyone is a constant (despite having people who appreciate us) it is essential that we seek expert help . Sometimes the shadow of unresolved trauma or covert depression completely distorts our view of ourselves.

When we reason about a problem, we tend to use a simple and useful outline most of the time. This way of thinking is what is known as linear thinking.

In couple relationships there is always a certain degree of commitment and, of course, seeking the company of the person you love. However, some people have an excessive emotional dependence on their partners .