A married couple can break their bond at any stage
No matter the age or circumstances, a couple can break up at any time. However, sometimes adult children do not cope adequately with separation from their parents. What to do?
How to overcome separation from your parents when you are an adult? The experience of this reality is usually experienced on certain occasions as something taboo. Because beyond what we may believe, facing the rupture and distance from our parents is lived with bewilderment and even anguish even though we are already twenty, thirty or even forty years old.
It is true that this fact can be more delicate for a child. But this does not mean by any means that the adult is immune to certain emotions, internal conflicts and even resistance . Some point out, for example, that we often come to see our parents' relationship as a kind of sacred institution. We tell ourselves even with a certain naivety that when an age comes, his is an eternal and unbreakable agreement.
Yet couples break up, marriages break down, and love fades, as does patience . Separations occur at any age, even the most advanced, those in which the children are already adults. Let us therefore understand how these situations are lived and how they should be handled.
How to overcome separation from your parents when you are an adult?
From the field of psychology we know that no change or transition is easy. Being an adult does not make it easier to face the separation from our parents , it is more, in fact, it can add more complex factors for which we are not always prepared. On average, it is common for this distancing to occur when the children are in their twenties.
The reason? It is at that age when they already acquire their independence. Regardless of whether they continue to live at home or not, they are already autonomous to make their own decisions, to take care of themselves, to make a life of their own and to build a future far from their parents. Suddenly, parents find themselves living that empty nest in which they stop focusing their concerns and occupations on their children to look at themselves.
What they discover, sometimes, is a reality that they do not like. Finding a relationship that is no longer enriching, lacks intimacy and in which each has their own interests, leads to the choice of separation. There is always time to start a new life and the break is, at times, not only understandable, but also necessary. Although this does not mean that the children assume it in the same way.
In these cases ... how do you overcome the separation from your parents when you are an adult?
Do not invalidate your emotions, you have the right to feel them (whatever they are)
On average, society gives children more permission to show their emotions . Thus, for a 6, 10, or 12-year-old to cry, get angry or feel devastated by the separation from their parents is something that is welcomed. However, the same does not happen with adult children.
However, we must be clear: it is normal, understandable and even expected to experience contradiction, sadness and even anger in these situations. Emotional health is feeling the right emotion at the right time and knowing how to handle it.
Understand and accept (maybe, it was something you already saw coming)
When it comes to overcoming the separation from your parents as an adult, the most important thing is to accept that situation. It is not your responsibility to solve anything, even if you want to mediate so that things are resolved, it is not always possible or recommended. Sometimes we are faced with a resolution that we already saw coming and that, in the end, will give our parents another chance to be happy.
Accepting, understanding and assuming this new reality is an obligation . However, this will not prevent us from feeling sadness and pain for this new situation.
Be equanimous, as far as possible do not position yourself on one side
Sometimes, this separation can be motivated by very specific causes: infidelity , abuse, unethical behavior ... These are circumstances in which we usually position ourselves with the victim, be it our mother or father. These contexts are very delicate and it is necessary to handle them well so as not to intensify the suffering even more.
The ideal is to be as level-headed as possible. We will also avoid being a bargaining chip and being part of that type of blackmail that is sometimes carried out when separations are problematic. We will try to act with measure, balance and success so that the separation takes place in the best possible way.
Talk to a person outside the family about how you feel
It is important to have someone to talk to about this situation. The ideal is to open ourselves to a figure outside of the family itself, be it a friend, partner or a psychologist. Sometimes, when it comes to getting over the separation from your parents as an adult, it can cost you more because there is a certain feeling of guilt , as if you could have done something about it.
We need to talk about those thoughts and also about how to handle the changes. With whom will we celebrate the holidays? What will those visits to our parents be like separately? What if I get on badly with one of them, how will my relationship be now? Venting worries is something cathartic.
To overcome the separation from your parents when you are an adult, remember the good they have offered you
It is no use getting angry with them or frustrated by their decision. Our parents are not an indissoluble entity, they are two people with their own needs, independent and worthy of building their own paths. They have the full right to start a separate life if they have so decided.
To better process this situation it is good to remember what each of them have given you. Remember their strengths, what they have taught you, the good that each one has impressed on you. Do not look for the culprits, life is complicated and, in the end, you have to make decisions to achieve well-being. They are not going to change the love they feel towards you, so it is not worth it, therefore, to vary one iota what we feel for them.
A new stage begins and as adults, we will face it in the best possible way . Changes are always complicated, but they can lead to more rewarding times.
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