5 fears that drive anyone

12.02.2021

Human beings are, above all, emotional beings . This implies that we do not feel emotions in a few moments of the day, but that we always live according to an emotional state. Your emotions, then, not only influence your state of mind, but also condition your behavior, your way of interpreting situations, your decisions, even your way of relating and communicating.

What is the emotion that most conditions us? Without a doubt, fear, being the most subtle and the one that has the most important mission of all: protect your life.

Learning to understand and manage your fears is probably the most important learning about yourself that you can do to grow and generate psychological well-being. You have heard about fear a thousand times ... but what are yours? What are the fears that really block and condition you the most? How to overcome them?

In any process of change in which I accompany a person we always find that there is fear. In this article we are going to see what fear really is, what its function is, what are the most common fears, but above all, that you discover what yours are and take the first steps to overcome them. For more than 10 years I have been accompanying people as a psychologist and coach in their change processes and this step is essential, so we are going for it. Don't be afraid!

The problem is not fear ... but how you manage it

One of the most common labels we give to fear is that it is a "negative emotion." These types of categories belong more to psychiatry, when it makes some type of diagnosis. However, emotions, in themselves, are all positive , since they all have a reason for being.

Sadness helps you discover what you think you need, anger can help you know what you want to be in control of, and fear helps you discover what you consider dangerous. For this reason fear is such a difficult emotion to manage: because it has the most important mission of all, which is to protect your life. The problem, then, is not fear ... but having too many fears, too many things, and above all not being aware of those fears and not knowing how to manage them.

However, the most common fears are not of animals, airplanes, accidents ... but they are more subtle and elusive and they condition your life in a way that we cannot imagine. Even people who consider themselves to be very unsympathetic are surprised when they discover all the fears they have.

Fear works in the following way: in the face of that situation or experience that has impacted you and you consider dangerous or that violates you in any way (breaks, comments, needs), fear arises to try to paralyze you and make us avoid the supposed dangers (which they are not really such). Over time, we learn to behave in a completely conditioned by fear although we are not aware. In fact, our behavior is sometimes always directed towards avoiding those situations that make us feel fearful.

Our most common fears

There are some recurring fears in all human beings . We are going to delve into what your fears are by seeing what the five great fears are (some of them are present in almost everyone).

1. Fear of loneliness

The fear of loneliness implies either a constant need to be surrounded by people, stimuli or to have a partner , or even because of our own fear of loneliness we usually behave in such a way that we isolate ourselves (before the proposal, you anticipate).

2. Fear that you will not feel loved or valued

This fear is one of the most common and makes us constantly analyze whether the other's behavior implies affection or appreciation , but according to your own way of understanding and feeling it. Being the other person, expectations are not met and fear is validated and continues.

3. Fear of losing your own personal assessment

When your well-being depends on external factors that we cannot control, there is an insistence on trying to validate your personal worth , because you have identified so much with what you can do that your well-being depends on it.

4. Fear of freedom

It is also one of the most common fears. Living without a guide, without references , tends to scare us because we consider life a constant uncertainty.

5. Fear of losing control

When there are too many needs, angry behaviors or frequent arguments, it implies that we want to be in control as well as a low tolerance for frustration.

Exploring your own fears

Now let's see what your fears are. Try to answer these questions on a sheet (physical or digital) with complete honesty:

  • What is the experience that is repeated over and over again and would you like it to change?
  • What is the behavior on your part that you have over and over again and it leads to the same result?
  • What are you trying to protect yourself from?
  • What are you trying to achieve with it?
  • What are you losing?

When we reason about a problem, we tend to use a simple and useful outline most of the time. This way of thinking is what is known as linear thinking.

In couple relationships there is always a certain degree of commitment and, of course, seeking the company of the person you love. However, some people have an excessive emotional dependence on their partners .