6 Signs of Narcissistic Abuse video
Behind an appearance of independence, narcissism hides the fragility of those who have not managed to overcome a fundamental stage of personal maturation . If he cannot get out of his reverie, the narcissist runs the risk, like the Narcissus of myth, of drowning in his own image .
NARCISSISTIC PORTRAIT, WHAT ARE THEY LIKE?
Frequently, we find people who make us feel like a mere instrument to achieve the ends they pursue; with them we have the impression that they do not care for our own personal characteristics.
These are egotistical people, who only think of themselves and who are especially careless in their dealings with others, with those who support them. These people, however, are not aware that this manifest indifference is only apparent, since it hides a great need for admiration and recognition on the part of those who - usually or sporadically - are their audience.
Despite their indifference, they need others to support their ego . Therefore, they have a fragile ego, far from that appearance of self-sufficiency. The bond that the narcissist privileges depends directly on the support he receives in the form of praise that increases his self-esteem, even going so far as to surpass the limits of complacency.
NARCISSISTS' FAVORITE PROFESSIONS
There are professions that especially favor narcissistic personalities . What would movie and theater actresses and actors be without the acclaimed audience they depend on to satisfy themselves? Some people can dedicate themselves to that profession by vocation, naturally, and demand of themselves an exceptional mastery to give their best to others, to develop their talent.
But there are those who use the scene as a pretext to satisfy the characteristics of narcissism, such as vanity, exhibitionism, the need to be admired and the predominance of fantasy, which reinforces the creation of an image of themselves as people. superior to others.
The biography of cinema, theater artists, and characters from the world of art, informs us of insufferable eccentricities for the people who accompany them, of excessive whims on the part of people totally convinced that their excellence deserved to be endured by others.
The gratifying emotional response of these characters can be fulfilled by the massive applause in a theater, by the success of one of their works of art, their films ..., and thus manage to eradicate, momentarily, the feeling of emptiness that it always occurs intermittently in every human being.
The difference between a person who does what he does by vocation and a narcissistic person who uses his aptitude or his genius to extol his ego is the treatment he has with others. The narcissist tends to be quite indifferent in the links he establishes when differences appear that show that the other also exists beyond the function of sustaining their self-esteem.
In the case of actors or actresses, for example, the relationship with the anonymous audience is ideal because it is only an undifferentiated mass that returns the desired applause that certifies their excellence , and the response of thanks from the actors can be warm while they are on the stage.
But if someone who is part of that audience personally approached the narcissistic actor or actress, they probably would not receive the same response. It is easier to be exposed in a personal bond , face to face, than in front of an anonymous audience where the distance of personal contact, and the obligation to respond to it, confront a narcissistic person with their inability to empathize with others.
OTHER WAYS TO RECOGNIZE NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY
But not only in these privileged settings do we find egomaniacs. There are other ways to satisfy the need to show off when talent is lacking. One of them may be to be puffed up by signs that denote possession of wealth or by emphasizing personal beauty to dangerous limits.
There are women who submit to a real slavery to meet the demands of aesthetics, and endanger their health. They impose themselves to be thin without taking into account their needs, and they undergo exaggerated or reckless diets and dangerous surgeries .
It is necessary to differentiate the need to like - quite understandable if we are interested in the link with others - from complacency. It is not the same to put on makeup to be attractive to someone who interests us, than to live looking continuously in the mirror .
It is not the same to use a car as an instrument to seduce, than to make the car the representative of oneself, to the point that our partner ends up being jealous of the car.
CAN NARCISSISTIC PEOPLE EMPATHIZE?
There are many occasions when our good mood and willingness to bond with others - what we know as empathy - can suffer a severe setback. These are special circumstances, such as a physical illness that is very painful for us, mourning the loss of a very dear person, the concern generated by financial difficulties ...
These circumstances cause a setback that returns us to ourselves as the predominant source of interest .
Those special circumstances are part of what we might call the protective function of narcissism, when it comes to taking care of our survival.
But the narcissism of complacency is very impoverishing because it leaves the narcissistic person prey to his ego, extremely fragile, and dependent on the recognition of others to such an exaggerated degree that he tolerates criticism very badly - who lives as an attack on his eagerness of superiority-, which makes it difficult for him to accept limits in his knowledge, in his need to fully control any situation .
In our emotional growth we start from a very fusional position with the maternal bond , we cannot differentiate our self from that of the person who sustains us materially and affectively. As we grow, we progressively differentiate ourselves from the other, establishing different ways of relating.
In this journey, people are attracted to others who are similar to them , with whom they identify easily and with whom they preferably bond, until they can mourn for this attraction to the like, which is the challenge of accept the differences of others in their attitudes, traits, behaviors, values, which are not the same as ours.
Differences that do not prevent attraction if that duel for the similar is concluded with a psychic elaboration that knows how to give value to what is not like us .
HOW ARE NARCISSISTIC PARENTS?
Agreeing with differences has its difficulty, but there are people who can do it more easily, with patience or resignation ... Others, on the other hand, resist those agreements and prefer solipsism - when only the self exists or can only be known - of their private world, where they are the sole owners of their destiny.
Poor destiny if it is not fed by the treatment with others, the enrichment that the sharing of emotions, ideas, tasks, illusions procures ... Even the treatment with the own children is different if they are lived as people who have their own existence apart of our expectations; or if - as tends to happen to narcissistic people - they are lived as an extension of the person himself.
Narcissistic parents have great difficulty letting their children rule on their own desires and are not repositories of the obligation to fulfill their parents' frustrated ambitions.
DO SOCIAL NETWORKS MAKE US MORE NARCISSISTIC?
There are social determining factors that hinder the necessary reflection to mature emotionally and bond with others. For example, we live in an era in which social networks favor the increase of at least one of the characteristics of narcissism , which is seclusion in a solipsistic world.
In social networks the illusion of a contact that is not real is generated.
The word friends, in the networks, is totally distorted and emptied of meaning because it erases the difference with those who are simply known in different fields. Friendship is more serious than all this.
And despite everything, many people boast of having many friends on the networks, making this figure a sign of their personal importance. This amounts to an inflation of another of the characteristics of narcissism, the immersion in the virtuality of fantasy , the avoidance of real contact with others, a contact that tests not only our abilities, but also our shortcomings.
Using the Internet encourages a cooler style of communication . We prefer to send messages by email rather than make a phone call and thus avoid surprise, tone of voice, that is, the elements that are put into play in real links.
It is a way of relating that takes us away from real presences and that makes us extremely dependent on the computer, which provides us with an excess of information but not necessarily training.
There are professionals, for example, who sacrifice their training time to focus on attending blogs that not only respond to a need to know what others think about many topics, but to a refusal to spend time on personal contact .
This narcissistic difficulty for personal contact comes into play not only with the closest ties but also with the evaluations we make of others when they are not like us.
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