7 Reasons Why Modern Relationship Are So Fragile video
The breakup is the last thing many couples think about. However , it is a more real possibility than it seems . Surely you know several examples of stories of friends who, after appearing to be the perfect couple in the eyes of others , one day are no longer like this and find themselves caught up in the separation process. Films such as the recent ' Story of a Marriage' directed by Noah Baumbach reflect this very well .
If unfortunately it has happened to you recently, now it's time to recover and think about yourself. If it has not happened yet but you think something is wrong, it is best to keep reading. The magazine ' Best Life ' has put together seven reasons why the courtship is about to end, even if you haven't noticed yet. And, most importantly, what should you do to prevent it from happening to you.
You are afraid of loneliness
Many people end up ignoring the needs of their partner or avoiding conflicts in order not to realize that in reality they have long since stopped loving the other person and are only with them because they are afraid of being alone. You already know in advance that hiding problems is not a good strategy, and it is likely that they will end up falling under their own weight when you least expect it.
"Comparison is the thief of happiness. Focus on your relationship instead of coveting other people's. No one is as happy as it seems"
"Being afraid of being alone, and therefore, being willing to swallow everything, is another of the most common patterns that couples fail," says Lesli Doares, a North Carolina marriage 'coach'. "Problems should be identified and appropriate limits applied to each part." You know, if you intuit that this is what is happening, it is best that you admit it first and, secondly, you communicate it in the best way to your partner.
You are not realistic with your partner
Many of the discussions you have had recently may come from asking too much of the person you are with. Or want to change something about her that has always been there. We all make mistakes, and sometimes we believe that the loved one should do the impossible to make us feel good. Perhaps the problem is that you no longer love each other as before, when even the mistakes you made in the past made you happy.
Another possibility is that you really feel like you are not up to the task. Which will cause you even more pain. The best thing you can do in this case is to try to communicate in the best way possible what squeaks your behavior or why you think it has let you down.
You compare your relationship with those of others
One thing is clear: the worse you think your relationship is, the happier others will seem. This is one of the most obvious signs that something is wrong with your partner and you don't know exactly what it is. The worst thing is that the more you compare yourself with the rest, the worse the situation will paint. In the last stay, you are sabotaging the link you have without you hardly realizing it . "Comparison is the thief of happiness," say Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola, authors of the book 'It's Called a Breakup Through Its Broken'. To try to solve it, it is best to focus on your relationship instead of coveting other people's. Ah! And another fact: no one is as happy on Instagram as they seem.
Do not express emotions in a similar way
Have you ever seen yourself crying with rage and helplessness and your partner has not shed a single tear? This is without a doubt a very bad sign. Many psychologists believe that the emotions of a couple have to be consistent for there to be a balance. If you do nothing but suffer from a problem and the other person is cold as an iceberg, you may already be at a point of no return. According to John Gottman, a sociologist dedicated to investigating marriages in the United States, this is a sign that offers an 80% chance of divorce occurring.
You think your partner is inferior
Having contempt for the other person is one of four behaviors that Gottman says herald an impending divorce. In his research, he found that many of the attitudes displayed by the couples he surveyed were based on contempt or indiscriminate criticism. According to the psychologist, if you believe that your partner is inferior, it is "the kiss of death" of any marriage. A 2010 study in the 'Journal of Marriage and Family' found that those who drew inspiration from contempt in just their first year together were twice as likely to divorce.
Your relationship is full of secrets
Secrets are not a good thing, especially in a long-term relationship. And what is even worse: lying and manipulating with them. Especially if she blames you for having them. There are things that can be hidden, but not all, much less keep them hidden for fear of what the other person will think of you. If you notice that your so-called better half is lying to you shamelessly and is holding you responsible for her bad actions, it's time to talk seriously with her and tackle the problem directly before everything worsens.
You only think of yourself
Remember that for a healthy and happy relationship there must always be a balance between what you give and what you receive. If you take more than you give, the balance will end and surely one of the two or both will end up seeking comfort in other spaces or with other people. In fact, it is a well-known relationship in sociology, called Theory of social exchange.
"We are disturbed that there is no equity of affection or when others are more rewarded," says Mark V. Redmond , professor at Iowa State University. To remedy this problem, it is best to try a little more or be more retailer. Surely you are in time to straighten the relationship and that it does not go to hell.
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