7 Reasons Why We Hate Ourselves videos

06.10.2020
Sometimes, the people who project their contempt on us, what they really hide is a deep hatred for themselves. This lack of self-worth leads to very problematic situations. However, what is the origin of this little self-love?

There are people who can spend half a life or a lifetime wondering "why do I hate myself?" Few realities can be more adverse than perceiving oneself with contempt, walking through a daily life without liking oneself, without trusting in one's own resources and without feeling comfortable with one's own skin and being.

Lord Byron said that hatred is a form of insanity. In a certain way it is, because nothing alters life more than that feeling capable of awakening the worst of the human being, whether it is projected towards others or towards oneself. For what is this? What makes a person stop valuing himself and place himself in that underworld in which to live together with low self-esteem, self-rejection and laziness?

The causes are multiple and the effects too. Because beyond all this, there is the way in which these people face each situation, each relationship and circumstance. We cannot ignore that, on average, someone who hates himself projects that same feeling on others.

Why do I hate myself? Causes, consequences and coping strategies

There are people who, indeed, have behind them a history of abuse or emotional deficiencies in childhood that can explain this lack of respect and appreciation for oneself. Now, there are more extreme cases, those in which there is not only a low self-esteem or absence of self-love: what there is is hatred towards the own person.

The feedback is generated when someone orbit around that internal dialogue despreciativo is very harmful. One can say that it is worthless, that it is not useful for certain jobs or, even more, that starting an emotional relationship is going to be completely impossible ... Because whoever hates himself, invalidates himself for almost any existential dimension.

So what is the source of that self-loathing? Actually, there are several origins.

This is how they treat you, this is how you look

We spoke above of the effect of a traumatic childhood. When someone asks: "Why do I hate myself?", They must delve into a concrete fact. We refer above all to the way in which he has been treated throughout life.

If we have been devalued since childhood, it is very difficult to build the foundations of a solid self-esteem . Feeling invisible, making us believe that we are fallible or that we are useless for what we dream of, sooner or later triggers a self-deprecating thought process that continues even though the circumstances that activated it have disappeared.

Sometimes, even having experienced a bad affective relationship, suffering from bullying at school or at work makes us end up hating ourselves.

The story that you tell yourself

We often say that "people are stories." Well, more than stories we are self-narrations, that is, we are what we tell ourselves and the way we interpret what happens to us . What does this have to do with the question of "why do I hate myself?" The truth is that a lot.

One of the theories of the psychotherapist Albert Ellis was based on the so-called ABC model. That is, A, we are the things that happen to us (events) that cause B (interpretations) and these cause C (consequences / behaviors).

Sometimes some of us apply clearly negative and disabling interpretations. They are those of the type "this happens to me because I am worthless, because I am clumsy, because I am a zero to the left ..." . This way of judging and "interpreting" ourselves is almost always orchestrated by low self-esteem, which, sooner or later, leads to a clear contempt for the person.

Why do I hate myself? Your cruel inner critic

We can blame our current unhappiness on our parents, on that couple who hurt us and, even, on that job that we dedicated so many years to and that ended up consuming our dignity and illusion. In essence, one can look outside to find culprits for discomfort and frustration . However, when someone inquires why I hate myself, they must take a journey into their own being.

There, you will surely meet an inner critic on whom all forms of self-loathing, pain and suffering fall. He is the one who whispers things like "you can't, you don't deserve, you're useless, you won't do well, you're worthless ...". This figure, that of debilitating internal dialogue, has been studied in the field of psychology for decades.

Already in the 70s, a work carried out at the University of Chicago by Dr. Louis Paul stands out, entitled The cruel inner critic, in which he talks about how that internal mental voice monitors us so that we fail, always speaking to us in a hostile way. Therefore, beyond looking responsible for our discomfort, we must be clear: often, it is we ourselves who feed our own hatred and self-contempt.

How can I stop hating myself?

Stop hating ourselves to live better , to fulfill ourselves as people and be able to enjoy solid relationships, a future according to our own wishes. Who can't wish for something like that? Virtually everyone. However, it is not easy to generate this change, especially when it has been integrated into the same mental, emotional and behavioral pattern for a long time.

However, it can be done. A research work by Dr. Nele Stikens from the University of Louvain (Belgium) speaks of a type of therapy aimed at turning off the negative internal critic. The process goes through being able to first perceive and detect critical, hostile and negative thoughts. Later, we must develop a more compassionate and realistic attitude towards ourselves.

Serving us with affection, stopping judging and boycotting us is the key to true progress.

Later, we will have to give shape to new behaviors, to vital changes that allow us to feel proud of who we are , free to start a life with greater meaning without restraining hatred, without being stopped by contempt ... That is the true way towards wellness.

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