8 Signs of an Anxious Attachment Style video


As an anxious or ambivalent person, you tend to feel very close to your partner, you have a great capacity for deep intimacy, and you experience insecurities.

Other meanings of anxious attachment are:

  • Ambivalent attachment
  • Ambivalent anxious attachment
  • Clinging concerned , addiction resistant , attachment fearful
  • Anxious-ambivalent attachment (English)

It depends on the authors of each study, on the country, on the translations, whether the attachment styles are named in one way or another.

If your partner's way of relating fits into the ambivalent anxious attachment style it's not bad, as long as you take the trouble to tune in to their mood.

Anxious people feel a great desire for intimacy, but they are aware of the smallest detail that could jeopardize the union. Sometimes they interpret your unconscious acts as a threat to the relationship . When the case arises, they are overcome with apprehension, but they lack the ability to communicate their concerns effectively. Instead, they overreact resort to drama. Such an attitude tends to create a vicious circle, whereby they become even more sensitive to the offense and their discomfort increases.

The situation seems overwhelming, but before you leave the relationship for loss, it is important that you know that if you show enough sensitivity and affection to calm and dispel your fears (which will not be difficult for you) you will have a very good person with you. devoted and affectionate. As soon as you learn to satisfy their basic needs for warmth and safety, their sensitive nature will turn into a great quality, they will be in tune with you, they will be helpful and dedicated . Therefore, you will learn little by little, to better communicate your fears and emotions, so that you will need less and less to use your intuition.


A responsive attachment system

"I have the feeling that my partners are reluctant to bond as much as I am capable, that leads me to anguish with the idea that my partner does not love me enough or does not want to spend the amount of time with me that I need. My desire to create such a close bond sometimes alienates my suitors or partners. "

Anxious-ambivalent attachment: Ambivalent attachment, ambivalent anxious attachment, resistant attachment, fearful

As an anxious or ambivalent person, you usually feel very close to your partners and have a great capacity for deep intimacy. However, you frequently experience fears and insecurities that your partner does not really want you to have as close a relationship as you would like.

Worries about the relationship consume a lot of your emotional energy and you think a lot about them. You are usually very aware of any small detail that may reveal that your partner does not love you as much as you want. It is common for you to interpret any change in your partner's mood and behavior as a threat to the survival of the relationship , you have a great capacity for empathy but you take each action of your partner in a very personal way. The consequence of all this is that you are prone to protests , to doing and expressing things that disturb the relationship and which you later usually regret when viewing them as exaggerated.

However, when your partner gives you the confidence and tranquility you need, then you feel cared for and put aside most of the concerns that the relationship causes you and you find yourself happy.


Let's remember what Attachment Theory tells us about what the attachment system is:The attachment system is the set of emotions and behaviors that push us to stay with loved ones who are our reference figures for safety and protection.

The need to be close to a significant figure is so important that the brain has a specific biological mechanism responsible for creating and regulating our relationship with attachment figures (parents, children, and romantic partners). This mechanism is what we call the attachment system.

Its existence explains why anxiety takes hold of children when they are separated from their mother figure, why they desperately seek it or cry disconsolately until contact is reestablished, and this type of reaction is known as protest behavior. and we continue to use them in adulthood. When we feel loved and cared for, the attachment system remains calm, however, as happens to children, when the person we love is inaccessible, runs away, or does not attend to our emotional needs, then our attachment system Attachment jumps like a spring, and this happens most often to people of an anxious or ambivalent attachment style .

Well, once your attachment system is activated , something that happens more easily and intensely to people belonging to the anxious style, you are assaulted by a storm of thoughts whose sole purpose is to establish contact with your partner , and that it becomes your priority above anything else. This activated attachment system is deactivated the moment you receive a response from your partner that returns security , as soon as you obtain it, you regain calm because of the tranquility that knowing that your partner is there, available and accessible to you.

The activation strategies of the anxious attachment system that your brain generates to incite you to get closer physically and emotionally to your partner are a series of thoughts and feelings like these:

  • Constantly thinking about your partner , you cannot get it out of your head and that makes it difficult for you to concentrate on other things and tasks.
  • Remember only his good qualities and very conveniently forget his shortcomings , put him on a pedestal. Even this can lead you to underestimate your own qualities and abilities and overestimate theirs, thinking that without that person you cannot live because you would be lost.
  • Feeling prey to anxiety , which will only disappear when you come into contact with your partner.
  • To think that you will not be able to fall in love with anyone else , that that person is the only one in the world that you can come to love. Like when you say to yourself: " I am compatible with very few people, what chance do I have of finding someone like him? "
  • Another common thought is: "It costs a lot to find someone, I'll end up alone ", that is, to think that it is preferable to stay with that person no matter how unhappy they make you .
  • And when you say to yourself: " If I let her go, she will end up becoming an excellent companion to someone else ", or " Everyone can change ", or " All couples have problems, we are not exceptional "

Remember : The next time you get caught up in these thoughts and feelings you are falling prey to an activated anxious attachment system, not love.

Although in people of the anxious or ambivalent attachment type it is easier for it to be activated and it is in those that its intensity reaches the highest thresholds, it can also happen to those of the evasive attachment type to a lesser degree when their partner has left them and they are kept at a safe distance that does not threaten their privacy or independence. Even to someone of a safe type it can happen due to inexperience.

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