8 Signs You Don't Trust Yourself video

03.10.2020

Have you ever wondered what is wrong with me? Am I not good enough? Am I not smart enough? Sometimes you are aware that you are not the best at something, but you try to do your best. You get up, put a smile on your face, and hope no one notices how terrified and insecure you really feel. Don't be surprised by the fact that while you act confident, you may be sending various signals of a lack of self-confidence to the people you intend to impress.

Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of "Silent Messages," has conducted several studies on non-verbal communication. It concluded that 7% of any message is translated into words, 38% to specific vocal elements, and 55% to non-verbal communication elements (facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc.).

Your behavior, thoughts, and feelings are translated into overt expressions that demonstrate the level of insecurity you feel. And unfortunately, low self-confidence is unfavorable, which somehow discredits you to the rest. It doesn't matter how smart you are or how clever your ideas are.

Did you know that 93% of the recognizable messages we send to others correspond to non-verbal communication?

Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of "Silent Messages," has conducted several studies on non-verbal communication. It concluded that 7% of any message is translated into words, 38% to specific vocal elements, and 55% to non-verbal communication elements (facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc.).

If you are going to act confident (regardless of whether you feel it or not) you need to be clear about what untrustworthy behavior looks like.

Here are 20 ways to recognize them:

  1. Using weak body language

    for example, arms crossed, lack of smile, looking downcast, and lack of eye contact.

  2. Hesitate when speaking in a group.

    Either in a meeting, in a group of friends or giving a speech.

  3. Avoiding interaction with someone you don't know

    Being unable to initiate connections or approaches with someone you want to meet.

  4. Weak verbal communication

    Things like talking very quietly, ending a sentence in a questioning tone, or listening to you really nervous.

  5. The fear of trying new things or accepting challenges.

    It refers to the difficulty of acting when you feel slightly or completely uncomfortable. Even when you know that this situation could be of benefit to you.

  6. Insecurity to ask for something you want or need

    It is not having the ability to confidently express your wishes because you don't feel worthy to do so.

  7. The resistance to overcome the mistakes of the past.

    It is holding onto a negative mindset and being ashamed of what has already happened.

  8. Not trusting your own judgment

    Feeling that your ability to solve problems, make decisions, create ideas, or be assertive is compromised or is not as healthy or fluid as that of your peers.

  9. Indecision.

    Not trusting your own judgment enough to even know what you want.

  10. Let others make decisions for you.

    It is letting the opinions of others define your own reality.

  11. Fantasizing that you are not successful enough

    Feeling intimidated around people you perceive to be more successful or determined than you.

  12. Feeling jealous or resentful towards successful people.

    Projecting your insecurities and longings on negative feelings and behaviors towards other people.

  13. Not expressing motivation to take action.

    Feeling depressed or defeated and believing that any action to take is not going to work or is too complicated

  14. Self-sabotaging on purpose.

    Create a situation that is impossible to achieve so you have a perfect excuse to fail and so that others should feel sorry for you.

  15. The constant need for validation.

    Not only in personal relationships, but with your bosses, co-workers, teachers, clients and peers

  16. Fear of rejection

    It translates into a constant worry that others will hurt you or avoid you.

  17. The fear of how others perceive you.

    Feeling painfully shy and uncomfortable about your intelligence and appearance.

  18. Being too preoccupied with physical appearance.

    The need to constantly check your appearance, compare yourself to others, or obsess over parts of your body or face to the detriment of others.

  19. Don't set limits with others.

    Allowing others to take advantage of you simply because you don't dare to say NO

  20. Being too condescending or accommodating to people.

    It's about completely ignoring our values, needs, or wants in order to gain affection and approval.

Do you see yourself reflected in any of these behaviors? If so, sadly, you are sending signals to those around you that indicate that you do not deserve or are not able to take charge of whatever situation you are facing. And if you don't seem confident to those around you, they won't have much confidence in you. Even worse, when these people show a lack of confidence that you inspire in them, it will make you feel even more insecure.

7 Steps to Increase Your Confidence

There are many things you can change to act more confident. Confidence is a skill that can be learned.

Here are seven important steps to get started:

  1. Wake up your conscience.

    We cannot change what we resist facing. That is why the first key to change is to be aware. Know what the problem is and how it is manifesting itself in your life.

  2. Find the origin of your doubts.

    Once your lack of confidence has been identified, try to find the cause. Was there an event in your childhood that broke your confidence? Most of the time it is just the memory of some past event that haunts us and damages our confidence. You must overcome it, doing so will make you take control.

  3. Redefine the current reality of your life.

    If the cause that broke your confidence no longer exists, find evidence that it no longer exists. Look for positive situations in the present that reflect confidence and strength. In other words, train your mind to look for the good in everything.

  4. Build a positive action pathway.

    If you have a notion that you need to do something to improve yourself or your skills or your standard of living with a situation, then determine what it takes to do it and create a list of actions to follow. Maybe you need to change careers, maybe meet someone who can help you heal past hurts and insecurities. Whatever you need to improve, find out what the first step to take is and schedule it as a routine. Then let that first step lead to a second step and schedule that too? And so on.

  5. Exercise your confidence.

    If you feed your confidence, your fear decreases. So practice acts of trust in simple situations, even if you don't feel very confident. Speak at a meeting, introduce yourself to someone new. Challenge yourself to do something that takes you out of your comfort zone. As you see that you have been successful in these little situations, you will feel more and more confident.

  6. Study the reverse of a fault.

    Winston Churchill once said, "Success is learning to go from failure to failure without despairing." Just because you have had failures in your life, it does not mean that you are defeated. Mistakes are the seasoning for success. Every failure you have is necessary for the journey to maturity and eventually success.

  7. Focus on contributing.

    Sometimes we get caught up in ourselves. We focus too much on our own perceptions and not enough on the needs of others. So get free of what you think and focus more on what you can contribute to others. Doing so will help you worry less about your own flaws, because things will stop always being about YOU. This will increase your confidence and allow you to contribute to the happiness of those around you.

Remember that it is not about how smart you are or how much you know, it is about acting and using what you know can change your life.

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