8 Signs You May Be Codependent video

16.08.2020

Emotional codependency is a very harmful symptom for couple relationships, because when the happiness of oneself depends on other people, one stops being who they really are and is not able to express their true self. Emotional codependency, like emotional dependence, is synonymous with a toxic relationship.

That is why it is good to know how to manage this phenomenon where it occurs; after all, our well-being is at stake.

Difference between emotional codependency and emotional dependence

Many individuals think that emotional dependence and emotional codependency are synonymous. But ... is it really so? Nothing is further from reality. Emotional dependence and emotional codependency, although related, are different concepts.

The dependent person is one who, due to the dysfunctional characteristics of his personality, depends on another person to be happy, and uses that person to fill the void he feels in his life. She is unable to back down despite the fact that his situation isÅtive and has no future. Emotional dependence occurs in one of the partners , but the other does not have to be dependent. Dependent individuals manipulate their partner to benefit from their limited autonomy, their null capacity for empowerment and their low self-esteem.

However, emotional codependency occurs when one member of the couple is · "addicted" to the dependence on their partner and, therefore, to the need to help him and to care for his well-being.

Codependency is not altruistic behavior

The codependent person is a kind of quieter controller and manipulator , who spends all his time trying to get what he thinks his partner needs. In this attempt to protect the other, he stops being himself.

Your intention may seem altruistic, but in reality it is not. Codependent relationships are not healthy relationships and have a negative effect on the happiness of the person who is codependent and the partner, but it also affects their work, their health, and even other interpersonal relationships.

Symptoms of this type of dependence in the partner

Emotional codependency is a relational style that needs to be corrected , and it is a way of thinking in which the person has the belief that they must sacrifice their well-being for others, regardless of the consequences.

Codependent people present a series of characteristics or signs that must be detected for the good progress of the relationship. They are as follows:

1. They feel responsible for the feelings of the couple

Codependent people expend all their energy to meet the needs of their partner and are constantly making sacrifices in their relationship. Although it is not bad to do some acts of love for the couple and help them when they are having a bad time, there must always be a balance.

Despite the fact that the partner of the codependent person may be dependent and have low self-esteem, the codependent does everything possible for the partner, leaving aside his own needs.

2. They get carried away by the emotional rather than rational part

In reality, codependent people do not have the ability to solve the problems of their lover , but rather they get carried away more by the emotional than the rational part. They have a deficit in their interpersonal relationships, for example, in terms of assertiveness; and despite sacrificing their welfare for the other, they do not achieve their purpose because they are not mentally strong people.

3. They feel used and victimized when things don't go well.

Since their behavior is not altruistic, codependent people often feel used and unappreciated for everything they do for their partner. The codependent will use a great amount of energy to take charge of the life of another , all under the guise of altruism and sincerely wanting to help. When help or advice is ignored or unappreciated, the codependent feels angry and mistreated.

Thus, it is common to resort to emotional blackmail, as a desperate attempt to make the ties that hold the relationship together remain strong. Unfortunately, this strategy doesn't just cause the other person discomfort; Furthermore, it achieves the opposite effect to that intended, since it is clear that it is a form of manipulation, many times even when one agrees to do what the other wants and it seems that in the short term that strategy has had an effect.

4. They have unclear limits

These types of individuals take everything personally, since the limits of the emotional codependent are unclear. The limits are a kind of imaginary line between the members of the couple, in which each one knows how far he has to go so as not to hurt the other.

This makes sense, for example, for intimate relationships or for belonging, but also in feelings, thoughts and needs. In this sense, they have unclear limits. On the one hand they give everything for the couple, but on the other they blame them and throw everything in the face of the minimum of change.

5. They are controlling

Codependent people use manipulation or blame to control the behavior of others. These tactics may be unconscious, but in the end, emptiness and the need to feel useful make you a controlling person, constantly seeking to offer your help even if the other person doesn't need it. Therefore, she is not actually offering you real help, but pretending to meet her own needs through this seemingly altruistic behavior.

6. They are obsessive

Codependent individuals spend too much time thinking about other people and how they will be . All this is caused by their dependency, their anxiety and their fears. They can also become obsessed when they think they have done or could have made a mistake, because they value themselves negatively and do not tolerate frustration.

Thus, one of the central elements of the mental state of these people is anticipatory anxiety.

7. They have low self-esteem

Negative valuation is frequent in this type of individuals. One of the main causes of this phenomenon is that they have low self-esteem. They are people who, in addition to being codependent, are dependent on the situation and fear rejection, because they do not feel comfortable with themselves .

8. Poor social skills

They are also people who do not usually have highly developed social skills and, therefore, channel much of their energy into a single individual. Helping others is positive, but in this context of social skills deficit, giving help becomes a great dependency that aims to feel valued and appreciated .

9. Deny reality

They are people who tend to deny reality, especially in the face of relationship and relationship problems . Although they are very attentive to helping their boyfriend or girlfriend and pay a lot of attention, they have a poor ability to solve problems.

10. Get trapped in a toxic relationship

Due to low self-esteem, these individuals are often trapped in an unsatisfactory and toxic relationship, even though they are aware that it is not beneficial. Codepentine people spend too much time trying to change their partner , because in reality they are the ones who have a problem to change.

11. They are not emotionally intelligent

These individuals lie to themselves and make excuses for the bad behavior of others. Since they avoid their own feelings and have a poor capacity for self-knowledge and reflection, they develop techniques for lying to themselves about the behavior of others.

They do not know themselves, nor do they regulate their emotions, or have good communication skills. In short, they are not emotionally intelligent. 

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