8 Things Toxic Parents Say to Their Children video
There are many types of toxic parents. Some are too permissive; others excessively severe. But what is the middle ground? How can you find out if you are a toxic parent?
Toxic parents are unaware that their behavior hurts their children rather than benefits them. In their attempt to be good parents, they sometimes make serious mistakes.
It is important to highlight that toxic behaviors are not only related to violence or physical abuse. On a psychological level, there are a series of harmful behaviors that can interfere in the life of any child or adolescent.
Toxic parents: main traits
1. "Manipulating it I get what I want"
Being a parent and manipulator? Believe it or not, it is possible. There are parents who use their children to get what they want regardless of how or simply to impose their authority and be right, even though it is not the most appropriate.
Although they think that their stem is not aware, sometimes they can perceive it. And not only that, but these types of attitudes can cause very deep emotional wounds that will affect their future.
The most common traits of these toxic parents are victimhood and guilt. Instead of scolding the child when he does something wrong or talking to him about it, they make themselves victims and generate a great feeling of guilt.
In fact, many times the child ends up accepting responsibilities for situations and behaviors that he has not even generated.
2. "Sometimes my hand goes away"
This not only refers to physical aggression, which is also a sign of abuse, but above all to verbal aggression.
There are toxic parents who believe that to educate their own, it is best to insult and disqualify them. They mistakenly believe that the child will learn sooner.
However, this behavior not only damages children's self-esteem, it is counterproductive. The best way to get them moving is to show support and trust.
They should know that their parents trust them and that they have positive expectations about their behavior, as this will cause them to trust themselves more and feel better. The latter is known as the Pygmalion effect .
3. "You know I want it, why show it to you?"
Lack of affection is one of the main problems that a child can suffer. In the future, it may lead to affective deficiencies that would lead to emotional dependency.
In the same way, this toxic behavior can generate mistrust and serious imbalances in the interpersonal relationships that it maintains in the future.
It is not necessary to suppose that the children already know that they are loved. It is necessary to offer them love, affection and respect from their earliest childhood; they have to know all the love that is professed for them.
4. "I am not interested in what concerns you"
Lack of communication generates mistrust and prevents the child from expressing his emotions. Often, the toxic parents do not usually worry about this aspect, it is more they think that it is not important in the little ones.
It may be that listening to the ravings of the little ones is not a tasteful dish, especially when you have a stressful day. However, you have to pay attention to what they say to know how they feel and validate their emotions.
If they tell it, it is because they think they can let off steam. Therefore, they must be shown that it is available to them and that what they say is of interest.
5. «I don't like those friendships»
You can't fully control children's relationships. It is normal to feel concerned if you play or date people who do not seem appropriate, but many times these opinions are based on prejudice.
Children must be educated to have an authentic personality. Strengthening your self-esteem and self-esteem is essential. This will make it much easier for you not to surround yourself with bad company.
Banning him from seeing his friends can be, in addition to being painful and traumatic, a long-term problem. From a certain age, you have to learn to make mistakes.
6. "You must study, you must be ..."
Some parents have too many expectations about their children. It is normal to wish that they are successful, that they are the best in the class or that they have many friends, but none of this matters if the child is unhappy.
A child is an autonomous individual and has to discover what he wants for himself. It is convenient to support and guide him, but never pressure him to be someone different according to a series of expectations.
This will only cause frustration, stress and disapproval for your family. Let him be what he wants.
7. "You can't do this, I can"
One of the main problems of toxic parents is trying to teach their offspring good behavior when they do not do it .
Inconsistency only generates misunderstandings and grudges . It is not logical to forbid something to children and they discover, for example, that the father does it secretly.
It will not only cause disappointment in them, but they will lose respect for their parent.
8. "You should have gotten a 10"
There are toxic parents who are very demanding with their children. Remember that friend from class who was crying for not getting the highest grade? And you so happy with your 5 scraping ...
Parents must control their level of demand. It is better to get a 10, of course, but not to force a child to get it as if it were useless for not doing it.
There are many factors that can influence a note. If he rolls a 5 nothing happens and if he fails, neither . It is an apprenticeship, not a competition.
9. «Don't worry, I will protect you»
Overprotection is one of the worst behaviors a parent can have. Because of this, children will not know how to make decisions and face their problems when they grow up.
It is not okay to protect a child in a bubble where no one will harm him. Life, in the end, teaches by falling and making mistakes. You must learn to make mistakes and face your decisions. Overprotecting him does him no favors: it delays his personal maturation.
10. "You can do whatever you want"
Teaching children unhealthy habits will also not be positive. Letting him drink alcohol from an early age, smoking or other insane practices does not make him a better father, but an irresponsible parent.
You cannot be friends with a child, no matter how much you want to. You have to be by his side and get him to see his parents as pillars to lean on, but that does not mean having to consent.
What if I am a toxic parent?
Toxic parents are very negative for their children but, above all, for themselves. Usually they tend to focus their frustrations on their offspring, without realizing it.
It is important to identify if you have certain toxic behaviors. If so, you could be doing a lot of harm to your children, as well as their personal growth.
Check your attitudes and ask for help, if you consider it necessary. Never too late to change.
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