9 Signs Someone is a Narcissist video
- Narcissists often believe they are more attractive than others, enjoy taking advantage and belittling other people, and generally engage in various romantic relationships.
- We compiled a list of 19 typical narcissistic behaviors, based on research and expert opinion.
- This list is not intended to be diagnostic, but it can give you a good idea of whether you or someone you know might be a narcissist.
Excerpts from Mary Trump's forthcoming revealing book expose the damaging family dynamics within the Trump family. In the book "Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the Most Dangerous Man in the World," Mary Trump (niece of Donald Trump and clinical psychologist) reveals how the President's father, Fred Trump Sr., taught his son to adopt the idea of "cheating as a way of life" , would encourage lying and not allow their children to show emotions or vulnerability; marking a classic narcissistic trend.
"That is what sociopaths do," writes Mary Trump, "co-opt others and use them for their own ends, ruthlessly and efficiently, with no tolerance for dissent or resistance."
Although it is a distinct personality disorder, similar to sociopathy is narcissism, which, according to Psychology Today , is characterized by "grandiosity, lack of empathy for other people and the need for admiration."
The traits that make a narcissist so difficult to bear or get out with them (the will to control people and the cruelty to meet their needs) make them effective in moving up into positions of power . Narcissists make up about 1% of the population , so among the hundreds of people you know, there are likely to be quite a few narcissists mixed in.
To help you determine if you, your family member, or perhaps your boss is narcissistic, we reviewed the psychology literature for patterns of narcissistic behavior. We also spoke with Joseph Burgo, psychologist and author of "The Narcissist You Know" .
Here are 19 common signs of narcissism and how to identify them.
1. You are a bad loser
Burgo says some narcissists are "bullies," and one of their most troublesome traits is their tendency to be a bad loser and a bad winner.
For example, when they lose at a sports match, narcissistic people may try to humiliate the referee. When they win, they can gloat or abuse the losing side.
2. You feel constantly undervalued
The type of people Burgo calls "great" narcissists always have a complaint against the world.
People with narcissistic behavior will generally feel entitled to something better and think that they do not receive the recognition they deserve from others.
3. If you are not "great", then you are introverted, hypersensitive, defensive and anxious
Psychologists speak of the "two faces of narcissism . " At one extreme is the hyper-aggressive, super-loud guy. But there is also a milder form of narcissism. It's called "covert narcissism," which is denoted by introversion, hypersensitivity, being very defensive and anxious.
"Both shades of narcissism share a common core of conceit, arrogance, and the tendency to give in to your own needs and ignore others," according to Scientific American .
4. You think everyone else is stupid
Many narcissists are know-it-alls and have a hard time getting along with their coworkers and friends because they refuse to believe that they could possibly be wrong about something.
Burgo has observed that these narcissists walk with a marked sense of superiority over others and have a "my way or nothing" approach to decision making.
5. You really like to swear at people
Psychologists Nicholas Holtzman and Michael Strube of the University of Washington at St. Louis found in a study that the subjects who scored higher in narcissism are argumentative and curse more than their modest colleagues.
They also tend to use more sexually explicit language.
6. You are self-righteous
Narcissists often believe that their views are inherently superior to other people's perspectives. But what they really value is the attention they get for holding those views.
For example, Burgo said, a person with narcissism might believe they have a closer connection to God, but for him it is more important that other people recognize this connection and admire his deep sense of spirituality.
7. You feel justified in being mean to other people
"Vengeful" narcissists generally know that revengeful or antisocial behavior is not acceptable. But they feel good about acting that way because they constantly feel like they've been hurt, Burgo said.
Also, they are often offended when there is no offense, which means they constantly hear people say, "That's not what I meant!"
8. You enjoy guiding others and telling them what to do
Narcissists often enjoy leadership positions as they are able to dominate others and satisfy their need for constant positive reinforcement.
9. You are probably young and male, and perhaps an "artist"
"A narcissistic monk would not be good, but being Kanye West and a narcissist is fantastic," said psychologist Peter Jonason, an expert in social psychology at Western University of Sydney.
After 34,653 personal interviews, psychologist Frederick Stinson discovered that men tend to be more narcissistic than women throughout their lives.
Narcissism is believed to peak during adolescence and decrease with age.
10. You hate having to feel emotions
"Having a feeling in the presence of another person suggests that it can be emotionally touched by friends, family, partners, and even some occasional tragedy or failure," says Harvard Medical School psychologist Craig Malkin.
This is why narcissists hate them.
Feeling an emotion "challenges your sense of perfect autonomy," he continues. "Admitting a feeling of any kind suggests that they may be affected by someone or something outside of them."
As a result, narcissists tend to change the topic of conversation when feelings arise, especially theirs.
11. You are more attractive than other people, or at least you think you are
Narcissists are generally rated more elegant and physically attractive, according to a study by Simine Vazire , a psychologist at the University of Washington.
However, this is not always the case. According to a 2008 study , narcissists rated themselves highly in appearance and intelligence, but when they took IQ tests, the results were average. When their peers were asked to rate their narcissistic friends in appearance, the results were lower than what the narcissists gave.
12. Instead of listening, just wait to speak
Anita Vangelisti, a psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin, found that narcissists generally prefer to keep the conversation focused on themselves, "making exaggerated hand movements, speaking aloud, and showing disinterest" looking over "when others speak" .
13. You are a serial romantic
Burgo also identifies a group of narcissists that he calls "seducers."
These people with narcissistic traits fall in love quickly and easily, often with people they don't know very well. They think that their partner is absolutely perfect, a complement to their own perfection, until reality is established, when they realize that their partner is defective and end the relationship.
14. You cheat in relationships, and are usually abandoned after dating for about four months.
Psychologists Joshua Foster of the University of South Alabama and W. Keith Campbell of the University of Georgia found that narcissists are more likely to be unfaithful once they think their partners are engaged.
They also seem to be in a hurry to convince others to engage in promiscuous sexual acts in which they do not normally engage.
Through her research, Campbell also discovered that the four-month mark, the apparent peak of satisfaction in any dating relationship, is generally the time it takes for someone dating a narcissist to see their true colors.
15. You put some people on pedestals
Malkin says the logic is this: "If I find someone perfect to be near me, maybe some of their perfection will stick with me, and I will become perfect by association."
With that ideal in mind, narcissists are comfortable with the people they find perfect, be it a colleague or a lover, and then they are really disappointed when that person is not as impeccable as they imagined.
For a narcissist, everything has to be perfect.
16. You like to humiliate other people
Narcissistic people intentionally look down on others to maintain a high positive self-image.
"Seeking admiration is like a drug for narcissists," said Mitja D. Back, a psychologist at Johannes Gutenberg University in Mainz, Germany. "In the long run, it becomes difficult because others won't applaud them, so they always have to look for new acquaintances from whom they can find the next solution."
This also explains why narcissists generally only have weak relationships.
17. Your parents ignored and adored you
The suggested research that a combination of parental rejection and excessive admiration is more strongly related to adult narcissism that if there was an experience of childhood constantly without the other.
The inconsistency and whipping of parents' attitudes toward their children will eventually cause a "deep yearning for admiration" and lead the narcissist to lead a life in search of fleeting ego boosts, Psychology Today reports .
18. You choose your friends to look great or take advantage of people
Narcissistic men and women have different ways of choosing friends.
Women choose male friends with high social status so that they can have a sense of dignity. According to Psychology Today, boys choose friends who can be "wingman" to them when they try to flirt with girls.
19. You always have to be in control
Just as narcissists hate talking about their feelings, "they can't stand being at the mercy of other people's preferences," says Malkin. "He reminds them that they are not invulnerable or completely independent; that, in fact, they may have to ask for what they want and, what is worse, people may not feel like fulfilling the request. "
That is why they can be controlling without getting mad. In the case of romantic relationships, narcissists control people with disapproving looks, calls to change plans, and chronic delays. This allows narcissists to undermine other people's ability to make decisions. In doing so, narcissists maintain the sense of total autonomy they so desperately need.
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