Come home and no one is there

08.07.2020

Get home and no one is there. Not being able to speak or share with any person on a daily basis, when it is not a chosen situation, it hurts. Those who do not know how to live alone and fear loneliness show a series of very specific psychological traits. We analyze them.

I get home as late as I can. I try to talk on the phone or video call as long as possible and thus be able to fill the hours. I do long series marathons, I go shopping often. The truth is that I don't know how to live alone ; I try to do whatever it takes not to feel the silence , not to face my thoughts and that unwanted loneliness that embraces me and suffocates me.

As striking as it may seem, this reflection is not something isolated nor is it a specific comment . There are many people who come to therapy with these thoughts, describing, without a doubt, hard realities. All this shows us that we have not yet talked enough about loneliness and what it implies for mental health.

It is true that, for many, being alone is something rewarding and enriching. However, there are those who see loneliness as an uncomfortable enemy, an entity that despairs and tries to avoid at all costs . For this, there is no doubt even in starting relationships only to alleviate that emptiness almost desperately.

Being unable to be alone generates anxiety, boredom, boredom , despair and even fear in this profile. It is a reaction of the body and the mind before that state that it interprets as isolation and even abandonment. Such realities can be very troublesome . We analyze it.

I don't know how to live alone, what's wrong with me?

Loneliness has many faces and some are present as a true social emergency . It is enough to name, for example, many of our elders , facing their daily lives in complete isolation. We also have young people, men and women suffering from this epidemic, which often has a direct impact on physical and psychological health.

Thus, studies such as those carried out by the University of Valencia and published by the journal Acta Biomedica tell us precisely about how the perception of loneliness can increase the risk of depression, anxiety, stress , as well as cardiovascular conditions, hypertension and obesity.

We all need contact with people, with that interaction that gives life to the brain that ignites emotions and places new motivations on our daily horizon.

Now, within this vast population sector afflicted by a loneliness that diminishes, makes you sick and psychologically exhausts, we also find a very specific personality profile : one that repeats itself over and over again "I don't know how to live alone . " What is behind this perception?

The eremophobia, the phobia of loneliness

Eremophobia is a very specific type of phobia that is obviously related to anxiety processes. They are situations in which a person ends up developing a disproportionate fear of seeing himself alone. There are different degrees, from the most tolerable to the most pathological.

We can find who avoids and lengthens the time to get home . After work, a multitude of activities are organized: gym, courses, workshops, meeting with friends, visits with family ... The idea is to arrive home as late as possible and that this arrival involves little more than eating something quick and going to bed.

Other people, on the other hand, do show more problematic situations, so much so that they do not hesitate to start clearly dependent and toxic relationships in order to avoid loneliness . Something like this leads them to harmful links in which even abuse can appear. However, (and striking as it may seem) tolerance to these situations is high because if there is something they want to avoid at all costs, it is loneliness.

I don't know how to live alone, fear of social and emotional independence

Who repeats over and over again that "I do not know how to live alone" may in turn show a clear problem with both social and emotional independence. What does this mean? Some, for example, do not finish adapting to that independence of the family nucleus. The moment you leave home for work or simply because the opportunity to emancipate yourself comes, anguish suddenly arises.

Family support is no longer available, that daily interaction in which parents facilitate day-to-day life in every possible way. That absence and the emptiness of seeing themselves in a space only with themselves, in many cases arouses stress and suffering. Shame in admitting it also raises the negative emotional charge .

On the other hand, we can also talk about who is not able to shape that emotional independence in which to feel good and even fulfilled with the company itself. Being your own refuge where you can resolve doubts, embrace concerns and plan your own life is not something that defines many people. There are many people who walk the world with serious emotional deficiencies .

Many of them are often mediated by a past defined by a disordered attachment , that in which the parents suffer from deficiencies and one grows up with unmet needs. The latter acts as an explanatory factor in the face of this fear of loneliness.

How can I face my anguish about living alone?

The anguish for loneliness and that constant verbalization of someone who repeats himself "I don't know how to live alone, the house falls on me and I don't know what to do" in many cases means having to go to psychological therapy. It is necessary to know what is behind this restlessness, that fear that manifests itself in anxiety disorders or in starting harmful and painful relationships.

Likewise, it is also recommended to keep in mind the following ideas:

  • The fear of being alone or living alone shows a lack of self-appreciation . We can also be our best company. This does not mean that we should reduce interaction with friends and family. Having moments alone at home can be rewarding; To discover it, nothing better than planning enriching activities with yourself.
  • Writing, cooking, performing artistic tasks connects us to ourselves and is rewarding . Let's avoid both messaging or social media interaction, as well as those hours dedicated to series or movies. Let's try to get in touch with our inner being through interesting and creative activities.
  • Likewise, let's keep in mind an idea: being alone with ourselves is always more recommended to share a house, life and projects with those who harm us.

Living alone can be an exceptional growth opportunity . However, that loneliness must always be enriching, always combined with contacts, outings and experiences in our community to avoid social isolation.

Sleeping is a must. If we want to perform physically and mentally the next day, it is necessary that we have enjoyed a good sleep the night before. Only by having good sleep hygiene can we wake up rested and full of energy.