Do we place very high expectations on people?

31.08.2020

Why do many of the people we meet end up disappointing us? Is it our responsibility, perhaps? Do we set too high expectations of people? These are some answers about it.

Why do people disappoint me? Why, if I always give everything for others, do they end up failing me? There are many who ask themselves these questions suspended in sadness, in the labyrinth of that constant frustration that finds no way out or solution. They are very painful psychological states in which one can even stop relating to fear of living the same experience.

Despite the fact that it is very common to hear in these situations the recurring phrase that "each disappointment is forgotten", in reality, this premise is completely false. Disappointments are not forgotten, they leave a mark and scratches on the heart. It is true that there are those who manage these experiences much better and turn the page quickly. However, those who remain stranded abound. Rusting for years from those gnawing emotions .

What is the origin of these situations? Is it the human race that, in general, does not know how to take care of relationships and exceeds selfishness? Or is it perhaps our responsibility for being overly trusting?

We analyze it below.

Why do people disappoint me? Reasons you should know

Each of us have values, some pillars on which we build our perception of the world , of what love, respect, friendship and even common sense are . We assume, in turn, that not everyone is going to tune in to every point of that internal repertoire. We accept that it is impossible to agree 100% with everyone we meet or are part of our life.

However, we demand respect. We hope, at least, trust and authenticity. And in many cases, this principle of coexistence is not fulfilled. Thus, who more and who less has some disappointment in their repertoire of experiences. It is the law of life. However, there are those who suffer them periodically, who do not stop tripping over and over again with that painful stone on the road.

What could be due to?

Overconfidence: Hypocrisy is the natural state of the human mind

We could say that in order to navigate a little better between our relationships, we should not immediately place all our trust in who we have just met. Evolutionary psychologist Robert Kurzban explains something very interesting to us in his book Why Everyone (Else) Is a Hypocrite: Evolution and the Modular Mind.

  • There is a part of the mind that has its values, its ideological opinions. However, there is also another one exclusively aimed at seducing people. We want to like each other, integrate, make friends and conquer those who attract us. And for this, we do not hesitate to drop little lies or resort to hypocrisy.
  • As the relationship progresses, true character is revealed, and suddenly we may discover that this person we have met does not share a single one of our values.

The best thing in all cases is to be prudent. We must not leave all our trust in the hearts of others almost to the second . We must observe people in small things, in small acts.

The root of all suffering: high expectations

As William Shakespeare said , the root of all suffering is our high expectations. Therefore, anyone who asks "why do people disappoint me?" you must inquire into yourself and detect how high your expectations are of others .

In many cases, reducing the caliber of your height will allow us to live a little better, without constantly waiting for other people to be as you want, as you want and need.

The bias towards painful relationships

Sometimes it happens. There are people with a tendency to start relationships with a partner or friendship with the same personality profile. An excessively harmful one. For example, men and women with high empathy and with the classic Wendy syndrome (need to care and be useful to others) often lead to ties with narcissists.

This is something that happens all too often: our personality type can fit in with whoever suits us the least. All this is due to unmet deficiencies, to that low self-esteem that pushes us to feel attracted to people with whom we feel visible. Until a moment comes when we realize the reality, the manipulation, the deception, the wear suffered.

Why do people disappoint me? We will not always be able to receive what we give

We all know what the term reciprocity means: mutual correspondence, receiving the same as what one offers. Well, taking this at face value can cause us great suffering. Most of us expect from others , at least, an absolute equivalence between what is invested and what is reciprocated.

However, we must be clear that relationships are not commercial transactions. If throughout our lives we constantly ask ourselves "why do people disappoint me?", Perhaps we should rephrase the true meaning of what reciprocity is:

  • Reciprocity is, above all, allowing me to receive what others want to give me, enjoying it.
  • It is an act of freedom in which each one decides when to give, how and in what quantity.
  • That is, you may be worrying about that friend every day and yet he does not respond to your messages or perhaps he is one of those who does not like to meet as often as you want and expect. However, in difficult moments , that friend comes instantly and without hesitation.
  • It is therefore necessary to take a more relaxed approach. Let's not measure everything we offer in a millimeter way expecting exactly the same. Doing so will lead us to constant disappointment.

In conclusion, accepting that disappointments are part of life's journey is essential. However, it is healthier for us to learn to lower expectations and be a little more cautious about giving away our confidence. Prudence is always a good companion. Let's keep it in mind.

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