Effects of growing up in a narcissistic family

15.07.2020

The longing for affection leads them to such debilitating behaviors. We analyze it below.

Some pass over your rights and only seek to obtain a benefit from you. Others put aside their needs and only aspire to satisfy you, to give you what you require at all times. Narcissistic people and complacent people hide a curious relationship , a unique but determining link that we are not always aware of.

If there is a true expert on this subject, it is Dr. Marie-France Hirigoyen . Psychiatrist and specialized in psychological harassment, there is something relevant that she let us glimpse in her already mythical book published in 1983, The daffodils have taken power. Already, at that time, he warned us that the narcissistic personality is colonizing many of our social settings: politics, business, finance ...

Now, along with the narcissist himself, there is always the complacent person. The one is the reverse of the other, they often feed back and, in many cases, the second is a victim of the first. It is a type of bond as destructive as it is silent, an aspect of which it is necessary to speak a little more to keep it in mind.

There are invisible sufferings on which it is important to put a little light.

Narcissistic people and complacent people, how are they related?

There is a really striking fact: psychological consultations are full of complacent people . However, someone with a narcissistic profile will rarely ask for help because, as we can well imagine, they do not see any problem in their behavior or what is happening around them.

The former, for their part, come with low self-esteem and the anguish of not being good enough for others.

These men and women are not always aware that their everlasting need to make others happy by overlooking their own rights and needs very often stems from their personal story with a narcissist. Let us analyze it in detail.

Children of narcissistic families end up being complacent adults

Elam Golomb, clinical psychologist and professor at New York University, is a benchmark in the study of the effects of parenting by narcissistic parents. His research paper entitled Caught in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists offers us several facts about this field.

In this research, it is noted that one of the effects of growing up in a narcissistic environment is to reach adulthood becoming a complacent person.

  • Narcissistic fathers and mothers always put their needs ahead of their children's . Little by little, children learn to sacrifice and silence their desires, their opinions and, of course, their needs. This trend will continue years later.
  • Extreme control rules in these environments. Children end up internalizing these norms, so they assume very early that the only way to be accepted or recognized is by fulfilling everything that others demand of them.
  • Also, narcissistic families always have an unsolved problem, a lack that generates anger and frustration. The children end up acting as rescuers to calm those situations . They know that things are better if their parents are satisfied.
  • Growing up in a family in which one of the members is narcissistic, inoculates in the child the belief that he is not loved. This leads them to have to work hard and do certain things to receive a crumb of affection or recognition . This trend continues in adulthood, turning into clearly complacent profiles.

Affective couples: the narcissistic and the complacent, a bond of eternal suffering

Narcissistic people and complacent people attract or more than attract complement each other . However, this connection loop configures the shape of shackles, of a bolt with which love becomes dependency and suffering. Now ... how do you explain that form of attraction?

  • Accommodating people feel fulfilled by meeting the needs of the narcissist . They see themselves as rescuers, as saviors of that someone who allows himself to be "fed" and the more the better. After all, they are repeating once again the pattern they learned in childhood.
  • For his part, the narcissist feels reinforced by having someone with this type of personality at his side. Thanks to that, he gets power, reinforcement, admiration, attention, praise ...
  • The complainants' low self-esteem makes them perfect targets for the narcissist . They are manageable and usually settle for very little. In addition, we cannot forget the skillful abilities of the narcissist to deceive: they appear with a dazzling air, with that gift of people and that resolution that almost immediately captivates the complacent, who does not hesitate to see that profile of someone perfect.
  • Both narcissists and complacent people need affection . They are, in fact, absolute beggars of love; both the one and the other. The narcissist needs it to strengthen his ego given his high deficiencies and the complacent yearns for it to heal his wounds . Sadly, these relationships do not usually prosper and it is common for them to be even more fractured.

To conclude, we are faced with two psychological radiographs of the personality that will rarely feel happy or fulfilled in their lives . While some are unaware of the harmful effects of their behavior, the others, for their part, do not notice that there is nothing as harmful as trying to give others what one lacks: self-love, self-esteem, security ...

The fact that siblings stop talking to each other is often a particularly painful circumstance. Disagreements, different personalities, disappointments ... There are many causes that can generate disagreement. Now, if it is our wish, what can we do to turn the situation around?

Achieving a stable, healthy and happy relationship is possible . In couples mediation sessions it is very common to find a series of common links that lead to discomfort and the desire for the dissolution of the couple.

He who has initiative changes his world and does not expect others to pave the way for him or lower the moon. In the end, we discover how decisive it is to dare and do things for ourselves. However ... where to start?
The fact that siblings stop talking to each other is often a particularly painful circumstance. Disagreements, different personalities, disappointments ... There are many causes that can generate disagreement. Now, if it is our wish, what can we do to turn the situation around?

Achieving a stable, healthy and happy relationship is possible . In couples mediation sessions it is very common to find a series of common links that lead to discomfort and the desire for the dissolution of the couple.

He who has initiative changes his world and does not expect others to pave the way for him or lower the moon. In the end, we discover how decisive it is to dare and do things for ourselves. However ... where to start?

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