Every emotional breakdown hurts

28.07.2020

There are people who cannot be separated from their partner for a day. That level of attachment is so intense and distorted that, in the event of a breakup, the effects can be emotionally devastating. We analyze it below.

All emotional breakdown hurts to a greater or lesser extent . Some even leave sequels. Others can be lived in a truly pathological way. This is what happens to people who have based their relationship on absolute emotional dependence and in which cases it is common for them to suffer what we know as partner separation anxiety.

Until recently, talking about separation anxiety disorder involved focusing exclusively on childhood. It occurs in those children who experience high suffering when they are distanced from their caregivers. Facts, such as going to school, their parents going to work or even sleeping alone, generate high anxiety and distress.

In families with a parenting pattern based on hyperprotection, for example, this type of manifestations can often be seen. Now, that fear, that despair when being removed from their attachment figures, can also appear beyond childhood and adolescence. Many adults experience truly devastating symptoms when they see their emotional relationship break down .

Excessive anxiety, fears, psychosomatic symptoms, insomnia problems, constant worry ... They are states of great helplessness that require a very particular psychological approach . Let's see it in detail.

Anxiety due to partner separation: symptoms, origin, strategies

When you love your partner, even the simple fact of being apart for a few days hurts . However, there are those who experience it in a more intense and even traumatic way.

Evolutionary psychologists point out that the bond of the couple ended up having the same significance as the one built between father-son / mother-son. In fact, even the same neurochemicals are present: oxytocin , vasopressin, dopamine ...

Lisa Diamond, a social psychologist at the University of Utah, explains in research that there are actually many similarities between filial and intimate relationships . We need the closeness of that beloved figure; we attend, take care, care and seek your well-being. However, sometimes that attachment can stop being healthy ... to become clearly obsessive.

So much so that very problematic situations can arise on an emotional level . Those in which a couple separation anxiety disorder arises, caused mainly by a brain that processes said experience as a threat, as something traumatic. Cortisol production is immense and with it comes a very wide range of physical and psychological symptoms.

Couple separation anxiety, what exactly is it?

In many cases, we are not facing a simple anxiety situation. When it is maintained over time and is accompanied by a series of very specific characteristics, we would find ourselves facing a separation anxiety disorder or separation anxiety.

These conditions are included within the group of anxiety disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V).

The associated manifestations are as follows:

  • High anxiety and stress .
  • Repeated attempts to regain contact and relationship.
  • Refusal to accept the end of the relationship.
  • High emotional suffering and inability to carry out a normal grief for the end of that relationship .
  • Difficulty falling asleep.
  • Impossibility of recovering normality from day to day, to the point of not going to work.
  • Eating disorders (either overeat or stop being hungry).
  • Psychosomatic diseases: digestive disturbances, stomach pain , headaches ...

What is the origin?

There are those who better face an emotional breakdown. Others take a little longer to overcome and a small part is trapped in a pathological and debilitating state.

This is the case of people suffering from separation anxiety, men and women, who on average tend to have very specific triggers . They are as follows:

  • Having a dependent personality . In other words, basing all relationships on excessive and excessive attachment to the other person. Thus, in the most extreme cases we would already be talking about a dependent personality disorder, a behavior defined by an excessive need to be cared for. This need leads them to situations of high submission.
  • In some cases, we may also have someone with borderline personality disorder . They are cases in which the greatest concern is in being abandoned, being that pathological fear the origin of the problems and disagreements. The break is lived in a very traumatic way.
  • On the other hand, we cannot ignore those people who have already developed an anxious attachment bond since childhood . These ties are defined by restlessness, insecurity, the need for possession and codependency.

Anxiety due to partner separation, how is it treated?

The therapeutic approach to address separation anxiety will depend on the particularity of each case . Having a person with attachment problems is not the same as having someone with borderline personality disorder. However, in many cases cognitive-behavioral therapy will help us for various reasons:

  • We will help the person acquire coping skills to master anxiety.
  • We will favor the handling of mourning for this emotional breakdown.
  • The person will be empowered in emotional, relational and self-esteem skills.
  • Likewise, various aspects must be worked on to avoid building any bond through emotional dependence.

To conclude, although it is true that the breakup of a couple is never easy, it is advisable not to go to these extremes. Assuming a passive attitude and letting sadness devour us and the mirror of memories is the worst option. Feel free to ask for expert help.

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