How can I assume my defects?
If someone asked us what we really don't like about ourselves, many would not know how to make an answer . I have a lot! They would say. Others, on the other hand, with arrogance and an overdose of pride, would affirm that they have none, that they accept and love themselves as they are.
Now, the latter would lie because many of us have "something" that makes us uncomfortable, something that we hide and hide, sometimes under clothing and others, trying to camouflage shyness, insecurity, fear of not liking or any of those psychological characteristics that we have not yet been able to strengthen.
However, the most striking thing about these realities is that we often label a personal trait as "defect" that, by itself, should not be considered as alteration, error, abnormality or nuance to self-reject. Simply put: that prominent nose is not a defect; it is a normal trait. Those extra kilos, that freckled face, that short stature or an incipient baldness should never be considered defects.
What lies behind these negative self-evaluations is a problem of insecurity and self-acceptance . By cons, true flaws are seldom seen. Irresponsibility, laziness, selfishness or pride are aspects that need a trained sensitivity to proceed to change them, to improve them. Let's dig a little deeper into this topic.
Accepting my defects: keys to achieve it
We all have multiple defects and, in turn, a good number of virtues . Our greatness as human beings very often involves combining all those opposing nuances that make us imperfect and, at the same time, unique. Maybe our fault is having a bad temper , but over time one ends up managing it, being aware of that stronger / less patient character.
It is also possible that another of our defects is talking excessively by the elbows ; Being one of those people who, in a conversation, barely leaves space and voice for their interlocutor. Once again, the simple fact of recognizing and assuming it, also allows us to manage that unique nuance that defines you and that sometimes brings you some other problem.
Accepting my defects first comes through a fundamental aspect: knowing whether or not what we don't like about ourselves is a defect . We analyze it.
The habit of pathologizing normal qualities and traits
There is a custom of ours and that is to pathologize aspects that, in reality, make up our personality or body schema. Thus, events as common as perhaps being a little more timid than normal, somewhat more insecure, fearful, maniacal, or even impatient, do not in themselves constitute a defect as such. They are simply traits that shape our character.
The same happens with those nuances that define our physical appearance. Neither weight, nor height, nor skin disorders , let alone handicaps, constitute a "defect". Therefore, if we are clear about this detail, the next question should be what is considered a defect then?
These areas describe negative attitudes that can be harmful to both ourselves and others. Examples of this are envy, jealousy, pride, pessimism, intolerance, narcissism , etc. As we can see, these dimensions trace behaviors and attitudes in which a balance between virtues and defects is rarely achieved. The latter always tend to destabilize any situation, conversation, relationship or circumstance.
Self-acceptance, the secret to strengthen my insecurities
To accept my defects, those that are not really, but stand as the clear result of my insecurity, the most important thing is to work on self-acceptance . In this way, if I consider that my overweight is a defect, that being shameful is also a defect, as well as my tendency to stutter or hide my big ears under my hair, my most immediate obligation is to strengthen this area of personal growth.
Also, self-acceptance is more powerful than self-esteem itself . The reason? The latter depends not only on the positive vision I have of myself. What others tell me or what I think they think about me also feeds this psychological muscle . Instead, self-acceptance does not need external reinforcements.
Furthermore, Albert Ellis , creator of rational emotional behavioral therapy, established this dimension as the pillar of his approach , defining it as follows: self-acceptance is learning to love ourselves fully and unconditionally accepting all that we are. It is validating every aspect of our being and also of our behavior. It is knowing how to give us consideration, respect and love.
If we learn to strengthen this area of our being, all those dimensions that we consider defects will be diluted.
How to accept my defects if they are traits that affect me and other people?
Aggressive communication, impatience, jealousy, inability to understand other people's points of view... In order to accept my most adverse defects, those that put walls in my relationships and coexistence with others, the most important thing is to know how to detect these dimensions .
On average, there are few who combine that humility of character capable of seeing and assuming those clearly negative qualities that make up true defects. Once identified, the process does not precisely go through "accepting" them, giving them space and permanence; the key is to "transform" them.
That transformation exercise in many cases requires knowing what is behind each of them . Thus, behind envy or jealousy, there is usually low self-esteem . After aggressive communication there is emotional mismanagement and a lack of social skills. Therefore, the best remedy to model defects and become virtues forces us in many cases to go to psychological therapy. Doing so can change our lives. Let's keep this in mind.
When we reason about a problem, we tend to use a simple and useful outline most of the time. This way of thinking is what is known as linear thinking.
Coercive persuasion is a cognitive mechanism that operates through false beliefs and misconceptions. It leads a victim to think that it is desirable and convenient to perpetuate the bond that he maintains with his aggressor.
In couple relationships there is always a certain degree of commitment and, of course, seeking the company of the person you love. However, some people have an excessive emotional dependence on their partners .