How long has it been since you asked yourself "how are you really"?


Often, people are skilled experts at letting time go by while we continue to breathe through that thick armor that protects us from the world. We appear to be invincible creatures, striving not to listen to or listen too much to that inner being who asks for help and who suffers.

We are that society that greets itself with a "how are you" without waiting for a response from the other. How to do it? How dare we? That phrase serves as a mere introduction to a conversation, so you have to be as aseptic as possible and avoid talking at all costs about what hurts, describe those emotions and feelings that swirl within us.

Developing that valuable ability to look inward and express it later is no easy feat. It helps without a doubt to have been raised and educated with affection, through those looks and those faces that knew how to connect with us to know what was happening to us and validate each internal experience. Feeling free to communicate emotions from children and share them generates a great benefit.

However, this ability is not abundant in our social contexts. If there is one thing we learn early, it is that "you always have to be well." Because when you give smiles, encouragement and joy, you like it more and communication and relationships seem easier. So in the end we get used to smiling forcibly, to appear normal, forgetting about emotional self-care.

"How are you really?", The question you should ask yourself on a regular basis

The trouble with asking questions is that we often find unexpected answers. Even so, few exercises are as basic and necessary for the human being as asking and wondering, like questioning and questioning. In terms of psychological well-being, it is essential to poll frequently to identify our true state.

After all, if we care about the state of our skin or oral health, why not do the same in the emotional area? Ask yourself "how are you really?" It does not make you waste time, it makes you gain strength, health, and mental hygiene. Although formulating that question is still easy, the truly complex comes later. Because knowing how to answer implies mastering several dimensions. We analyze them.

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The courage to drop psychological defenses

When we have been neglecting ourselves for a long time, pretending to be strong for others and solvent in order to reach all our daily goals, it costs a lot to make contact with our authentic being. On average, we build endless psychological barriers and defenses around them.

For example, we use denial, that almost infallible mind trick in which we tell ourselves things like "it didn't hurt me to end that lifelong friendship." We also apply rationalization: for example, "if I feel a little more discouraged these days it is because I don't eat very well and because we have more pressure at work."

We also use protection, which is nothing other than self-deception, than the art of removing iron or suppressing what hurts, worries or bothers us. If we really want to become aware of how we feel, we must drop all those barriers, those mechanisms that prevent us from seeing what lies behind.

Know how to name emotions, the language of life

Emotions are the true language of life. Knowing how to name each sensation, each internal reality that the body experiences and that invades our mind, is the key to well-being. Matthew Lieberman, professor of psychology at the University of California, tells us that how we label these moods will affect us. Therefore, you have to do it well, be competent.

For example, when you ask yourself "how are you really" you might say "I'm sad". However, often behind the sadness there is a whole melting pot of emotions to unravel: anger, anger, frustration, disappointment, fear ...

As Dr. Lieberman himself explains in a study, limiting ourselves to just one or doing it the wrong way will make us make little useful decisions. Knowing how to shed one by one all that accumulation of internal realities and label them, will allow us to make contact with our authentic needs and act accordingly.

Let someone suitable ask you "how are you really"

For many of us, the task of emotional self-care is not easy. That is why, sometimes, it is appropriate to have someone who understands us, who is able to listen without judging, to facilitate the dialogue that threads with the emotions, which allows them to flow without fear ... Let someone suitable ask you "how are you really " also is okay.

In fact, it is even recommended when we feel that mental dullness in which everything weighs and everything worries excessively. They are those moments in which one is aware that something is wrong.

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