How to enhance this basic extension of your psychological construction


Wherever you go and regardless of the circumstances you are in, don't be lacking in self-love. Fill your pockets with this positive emotional charge made with your self-concept and self-esteem and don't leave it forgotten at home. Even less, do not put it in the hands of others. It is yours alone as is the responsibility to care for and strengthen it on a daily basis.

The philosopher Michel de Montaigne said that "the best thing in the world is knowing how to belong to oneself". This is one of those evidences that we are not taught in school. Cultivating self-love should be a core subject of life, the one that will be integrated into any academic curriculum. Because if there is something that we all know, it is that, sometimes, we neglect this psychological area or even overeat it.

Loving yourself, valuing yourself, feeling valid and deserving of what you want is healthy. What is no longer so much is feeding an excess of ego and excessive admiration from which to underestimate the rest and even see themselves entitled to inflict harm.

Self-love is cared for, cared for and protected. We will do so both to avoid undervaluing and not to fall into excessive pride that helps us very little.

Without this exceptional tool of our psychological architecture, the personality is fraying. As the humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers well pointed out, we people need to take care of that feeling of worth, self-appreciation and ability to build a meaningful life.

Wherever you are, do not lack self-love

There is something surprising. Many people go through life without knowing that the relationship and feelings they have with others are determined by self-love. If I do not love myself as I deserve, I will wait for others to give me what I lack; something that never happens and hence the eternal suffering and deriving in codependent relationships.

In the end, we limit ourselves to accepting the love that we believe we deserve and the friendship that does not enrich, but that we assume because we think that we cannot aspire to anything better. The same is true at work and in any facet of life. If this dimension fails, everything becomes distorted and we limit ourselves to exist under minimums, barely surviving in any existential sphere, but without knowing what satisfaction or happiness is.

There is also no one who insists on the «You have to love yourself more! If you loved yourself these things would not happen to you! ». We agree but ... how do you do that? By what magic formula can it be achieved? Perhaps it is enough to look in the mirror and tell us that we are worth it, that everything that reflects the glass is perfect by itself? The answer is no. It is not just about accepting and appreciating our physical appearance.

Self-love goes beyond feeling good about who we are, how we are or what we have. It is a state of constant appreciation for everything we do, for everything that ends up reversing our growth as people. It is a dynamic process that nurtures everything and gives it shine to work on what we deserve and thus be able to boost our psychological strengths.

Do not lack self-love, remember to attend to these dimensions

No matter the circumstance or the moment: wherever you go, don't be lacking in self-esteem because, otherwise, you will become someone you don't like. In a double of yourself that tolerates what hurts you, that you do not dare to fight for what you want and that you accept at your side people you do not deserve.

It is therefore important to remember which are the pillars that erect self-love:

  • Self-awareness. This dimension implies realizing what we think, what we feel, what we need every second. Making contact with our inner being allows us to align needs with actions and commitments.
  • Self esteem. This psychological tendon is the key and the heart of self-love. It is appreciation for our own person and, in turn, the way we think others see us. That perceptual evaluation of oneself is something that we must take care of every day.
  • Self-care. This competition goes beyond good nutrition, hygiene or taking care of our health. It is to attend to our emotions, it is to take care of our thoughts ... The art of good care must attend at all times the sphere of the mental, of the emotional, so that you do not lack self-love at any time.

Happiness is in balance: neither too much nor too little

Remember that you never lack self-love, because from lack comes suffering. Likewise, remember also: never over-accumulate or accumulate self-love because of the overload suffering is projected on others. An example, in a study carried out at the University of Texas by Dr. William Campbell, pointed to the same thing.

When we reason about a problem, we tend to use a simple and useful outline most of the time. This way of thinking is what is known as linear thinking.

In couple relationships there is always a certain degree of commitment and, of course, seeking the company of the person you love. However, some people have an excessive emotional dependence on their partners .