How to rebuild a relationship after feeling violated?
How to write a new beginning with who is not really our new partner? Is it possible to love again after a betrayal?
We will try to answer these questions and understand along the way why some may find it difficult to love again after disloyalty. To begin we will talk about the meaning of loving again, later we will conceptualize treason.
"It is necessary to have loved, then lose love, and then love again even more."
-Vincent van Gogh-
Loving again, what does it mean?
It is complex to define that of loving again because we each use a particular definition of love.
Loving again would mean, then, having that feeling again. A complicated task when one of the pillars of this love has been violated: trust or respect. A betrayal that, to a large extent, invites us to get away from the person who hurt us.
Treason, what is it?
According to the Royal Academy of the Spanish language, treason means "a fault that is committed by breaking the fidelity or loyalty that must be kept or possessed." Now, betrayal also has individual connotations.
On the other hand, sometimes we come into conflict because we have never discussed the issue in our relationship and we believe that the drawer in which the actions that would exemplify treason are collected is shared. So, we can feel betrayed because what the other has done is a betrayal in the taxonomic system of both or because it is only in ours.
In one way or another, betrayal generates feelings, thoughts and behaviors, which can be unpleasant for us. Various psychological investigations have turned their attention to it. For example, Aquino and his collaborators, in their research, show us how treason comes to trigger negative emotions, increasing the predisposition to judge the negative emotions of others.
Loving again after betrayal
Due to the great burden that treason can cause us, we may come to think that it is not possible to love again. But it is, although it may not be an easy path. We show you how:
Look from another perspective
Let us remember that love can be transformed. To achieve this implies that we build a new one, for this, we do not necessarily need another person. We can rebuild it with the person who betrayed us, but for this we must be aware of what our limits and those of the other are, establishing an agreement that reflects respect for them.
A different way of perspective is also looking at each other. Why be focused on others only? When we become dependent on the other we become blurred, we can take advantage to explore ourselves and find what we really want. Thus, it will be easier to make an assertive decision, a healthier one.
Undertake new directions
We can love again, and not focus on who betrayed us. That is, we can find a new passion that we love, another person to love, to love life. Let us remember that there are different ways of loving, and that the feeling goes beyond just one person.
So, we can start new directions, towards a different love, both by moving away from that being whom we loved or love and after the betrayal we prefer to move away because it is not nutritious for our lives, as well as exploring new paths in the relationship with that loved one.
To love again, it may take forgiveness, who betrayed us. If what we want is to continue with the person and we are sincere with ourselves and we want to work for it, it is important to let go of the situation by forgiving. It may not happen in a short time, but if we feel that we will not be able to do it and we will reproach the other person for what he did, we may not be prepared to love again, at least not in a way. healthy.
Also, it is feasible to forgive us. We may fall into the same kind of toxic relationship over and over again, and after giving several opportunities, we feel like we have failed. Let us let our emotions flow, but let us not make those of negative valence protagonists; Rather, let's try to love again, but in a healthy way, in one in which love is also towards us and that involves building nurturing relationships.
The others are not guilty that they have betrayed us
Sometimes we make those who have nothing to do with treason pay for the frustration caused by those who have. Let's remember that each person is different. So, let's avoid judging without reason and work on ourselves so that others do not suffer from our lack of assertiveness.
When we reason about a problem, we tend to use a simple and useful outline most of the time. This way of thinking is what is known as linear thinking.
Coercive persuasion is a cognitive mechanism that operates through false beliefs and misconceptions. It leads a victim to think that it is desirable and convenient to perpetuate the bond that he maintains with his aggressor.
In couple relationships there is always a certain degree of commitment and, of course, seeking the company of the person you love. However, some people have an excessive emotional dependence on their partners .