Misfortune doesn't always make us more resilient

Not everyone who goes through a difficult time comes out stronger, wiser, or more skilled. Many are caught in the storm for quite a long time. Because resilience is not something that appears automatically, you have to know how to develop it.

Adversity doesn't always make us more resilient. We have reached a point where the concept of resilience has become excessively luminous and even far from reality. Not everyone who goes through a time of toughness and difficulties can activate this wonderful competition. Sometimes, the hard days sink us and that this happens, it also falls within normality.

We are living in a moment of transformation at all levels. Perhaps, for this reason, approaches such as the most optimistic positivism no longer serve us in the same way as in past years. Thus, the classic Always look on the bright side of life (always look at the bright side of life) that they sang in Brian's Life , is no longer so effective in the current circumstances.

Right now, we are obliged to see the difficulties and risks that we have before us. We cannot turn our faces, it is not enough just to tell ourselves that "everything will be fine and we emerge stronger from this . " It is time to make room for other possibilities, learn to process adversity, negative emotions and that less kind side of life.

Resilience exists, but it doesn't work on autopilot. It doesn't activate by itself and it doesn't always do it when we need it most . That is why we must understand how this valuable psychological competence really works.

Adversity doesn't always make us more resilient, but we can learn

We have become used to labeling experiences - such as emotions - as "good" or "bad." Something like this causes that many people have become intolerant to everything that is in this last extreme. And in itself, it is understandable.

We prefer stability, complacency, the harmony of that day to day in which we indulge ourselves , enjoy that normality in which nothing goes out of tune and everything is in balance .

However, when the unforeseen arrives, the edge of problems and the din of difficulty in any of its forms, it is common for the blockage to appear. One is left out of breath and without psychological resources to move through the storm.

Adversity doesn't always make us more resilient because we don't all know how to activate it . What's more, there are times when what we have in front of us is a very tough moment that not everyone can overcome. Let's dig a little deeper.

Resilience is not facing adversity, it is "navigating" with it

Often when we talk about resilience it is common to use the metaphor of the lighthouse. We visualize a rough sea and violent waves ramming this construction, whose resistance is infinite. No matter the winds, storms and the force of a thousand oceans, that lighthouse can withstand anything.

Well, this metaphor about resilience is wrong. Instead, we should use a somewhat less heroic , somewhat less glitzy and inspiring vision . It is best to follow the lesson of the "sea buoy." It consists of the following:

  • Instead of fighting the waves (adversity), you have to move with them like sea buoys do.
  • You have to maintain buoyancy, that is, mental clarity and temperance to move between those stormy days.
  • The real key is having something to hold onto (having an anchor).
  • That inner anchor is also made up of our thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors . They are the ones who hold us and who help us move through those difficult days.

Adversity does not always make us more resilient (there are processes that take time)

Adversity doesn't always make us more resilient. Sometimes hard days are just that, complicated days that make us fall for a moment and then pass , without giving us any lessons. Other times, it is not possible for us to activate resilience because we lack those anchors, of coping resources:

  • There are times when in the midst of adversity we sink. The fact that this happens is more normal than we think.
  • If not, there would be no psychologists, psychiatrists and all mental health specialists. Because we are not heroes, we are not beacons that resist everything. We are human, fallible people who sometimes fall.
  • Needing other experts to equip us with the tools to deal with what hurts is perfectly normal.

There are those who can do everything and see opportunities, others only aspire to survive (and everything is just as acceptable)

Adversity doesn't always make us more resilient, it's true. Moreover, there are those who are immensely skilled in these circumstances; It not only copes with any difficulty but even takes advantage of it. Now, others, on the other hand, are limited to being in survival mode. That is, to endure what happens, to stay afloat so as not to drift.

Let's be clear, both situations are equally acceptable and admirable. The objective in all cases when the dark days arrive, is to leave them with physical and mental health. That is the true success and our true goal.

There will be those who cross that threshold with better resources and new profits. Others will only be relieved to have left that fog to start a new stage.

Either of these two circumstances are appropriate . The important thing is to keep sailing, keep moving towards a horizon of hope .

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