Neither well-being is an insured good nor misery a nuisance


Every life story is written in the ink of calm times and difficult times. There are very few people who pass through this world being immune to suffering, avoiding like fabulous athletes the obstacles that, from time to time, brings fate. Each of us is already guarding an existential shoot to understand that everything is learned, from the bad and also from the good.

Within the popular wisdom there is a very common idea that reminds us that one truly learns what life is when adversity knocks on your door. Somehow, there are those who think that true knowledge is brought by anguish, moments of despair and the days when we lose something or someone who is dear to us. Taking this approach is, to say the least, a mistake.

Every experience adds learning, be it small, be it great, be it terrifying or be part of the most indifferent routine. It is necessary to be open to each event, to each sensation, to each stimulus that arises and enriches our day to day. Because everything felt adds up.

Everything experienced is added value to our life backpack. Being receptive and using a sensitive, curious and resilient approach in turn, undoubtedly allows us to rise up as good navigators in the complex evolution of destiny.

The art of learning from calm times and difficult times

Rollo May, a psychologist at the existentialist school, pointed out that depression is basically the inability of the human being to build a future and, even, the inability to believe in it. It is true. Difficult times always bring with them an increase in these types of psychological conditions, those in which people fall into helplessness, in the deepest dejection and in the impossibility of thinking beyond present suffering.

Perhaps for this very reason calm, balance and well-being times are so decisive. In a way, they remind us of what is important and what is worth fighting for. The days marked by that peaceful becoming in which everything is routine, in which the days follow one another in harmony, act as anchors. We cling to what is important. They make us recognize ourselves in these routines and build bonds with those we love.

Those moments where everything is certainties, act as vaccines for moments of pain. Because they guide us, because they remind us of those things worth striving for and moving up again after hitting rock bottom.

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When you have known happiness (or want it for your future) you can overcome difficult moments

Happiness is not a guaranteed good. It is not something lasting in time. Likewise, unhappiness is not a mistake of fate, a stain that blurs everything, nor is the inability of someone to see things differently. Absolutely. Both are part of our own existence, of what we are, of what is, after all, the history of humanity itself.

Now there is an interesting fact. Those who have known stability, those who have enjoyed a good childhood and enriching life moments, often face hard times with greater skill. Calm times and difficult times are valuable learning moments for these people.

However, there is a curious and relevant exception at the same time. In a study carried out at the University of California and Southwest University in China, they point out something interesting. Children who have been abandoned or have suffered abuse, manage (in most cases) to overcome their trauma by feeding hope. Imagining that their future is going to be happy and auspicious gives them great psychological strength.

Having known well-being and happiness and even projecting it towards the future gives us a great capacity to overcome difficult moments.

Calm times and difficult times: the courage to experiment, to fall and get up

Calm times and difficult times come and go. They are also the reverse of the same coin; we cannot always foresee them and, when they arrive, we enjoy the former and suffer with the latter. The most important thing of all is not to hold on.

We cannot cling to the idea that this calm will last forever. To think that happiness now is indelible ink is a mistake. Likewise, it is also a mistake to think that adversity is permanent, that those complicated and even painful days are going to maintain their quota indefinitely.

It is our responsibility to prevent this discomfort from becoming chronic and, for this, we must invest resources, awaken strengths, know how to ask for help, allow ourselves to heal little by little.

When we reason about a problem, we tend to use a simple and useful outline most of the time. This way of thinking is what is known as linear thinking.

In couple relationships there is always a certain degree of commitment and, of course, seeking the company of the person you love. However, some people have an excessive emotional dependence on their partners .