Outbursts of fury can disturb negatively
What are outbursts of anger
Anger is a normal emotion that is adaptive in that it alerts us that they are attacking our integrity, violating our rights, or failing to meet our needs. However, when he seizes us or is disproportionate to the damage he has suffered, we have a fit of anger.
These outbursts of anger are detrimental to ourselves and to our environment. Not only do they deteriorate social relationships, with all that that entails, but it affects our mental health and usually also physical health.
Causes of anger outbursts
As we have mentioned, anger appears when something frustrates us, hurts us or seems unfair to us. In such situations, the adaptive is feeling angry, hurt, frustrated or disappointed, but sometimes we feel anger, anger or fury. These reactions are mainly due to a series of erroneous or irrational beliefs about ourselves, others and the world in general, which we have adopted as true:
"I must do things well and earn the approval of others. Otherwise, I am bad. " This belief often leads to anxiety, depression, shame, and guilt.
"The others must treat me well. They must be kind and fair to me. They should treat me the way I want. Otherwise, they are bad and deserve punishment. " This belief leads to anger, passive aggression, and violence.
"The world must give me what I want and not what I don't want. Otherwise, it is terrible and I cannot bear it. " This belief leads to procrastination.
Understand that it is not possible to be perfect or demand that others be perfect, that we cannot please everyone and that things will not always go as we would like; it is the first step in responding adaptively and reducing anger outbursts.
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How to control anger outbursts in adults
To learn to control our anger effectively and in the long term we will work on our thoughts, since they are the cause of disproportionate reactions and it is in our hands to change them for other rational and adaptive ones.
Albert Ellis' Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (TREC) provides excellent results. This technique proposes that an event (A) activates our thoughts or beliefs (B) that cause our emotions or behaviors (C). In other words, it is not the event (A) in which it causes emotions and behaviors (C), but it is our thoughts or beliefs (B) that cause it. And these thoughts and beliefs (B) can be modified.
The most common thoughts associated with the irrational beliefs that generate our anger are:
To describe a situation as terrible. Ex: "It is terrible that this happened to me."
To think that someone or something should be different from what it is. Ex: "I should not have done that", "I should not act that way".
To think that what happened is unbearable or intolerable. Eg: "it is intolerable that they treat me like this", "I cannot bear that situation".
Generalize and label someone for a specific fact. Ex: "He has acted badly, so he is a bad person and must be punished."
Once we identify irrational thoughts or beliefs, we must analyze whether they are as true as we believe. Here you will find more information about the irrational ideas discussion technique. Then we will replace them with other more real and beneficial thoughts.
Little by little and with practice we will be able to modify those thoughts and we will have the necessary ability to calm down and react to an imminent outburst of anger. We will finally know how to handle our anger.
Other ideas for managing anger:
Practice relaxation to reduce our activation before an outburst of anger.
Use humor to downplay the situation that generates anger.
Practice change of thoughts and relaxation exposing ourselves to situations that provoke anger.
Accepting ourselves will give us security and will also help us not be so affected by events that we do not like. The following article explains how to build self-esteem.
Time out. Get out of the situation that causes us anger, to reduce our activation, when this is possible.
How to control anger outbursts in children
The most important and at the same time the most difficult thing when faced with a child's outburst of anger is to stay calm. Boys and girls learn by imitation. In addition, if we get angry or show aggressive we will favor the tantrum.
When the child calms down we will try to talk to him or her. We will ask what caused your anger and how you felt during and after the outburst. We must use words appropriate to their age.
Knowing what caused your anger will allow us to teach you alternative solutions that will make you feel better in a similar situation. Reinforcing acceptable behaviors maintains them.