The unhappy lovers

24.09.2020

Lovers are not always happy people. Behind those who get excited instantly there is a dangerous tendency to idealize, as well as certain deficiencies that seek to be nurtured with loves that rarely last and sometimes even hurt.

" Why did I fall so easily? Why do I get excited right away despite having so many failed stories behind my back? There are many people who ask these same questions every day, unable to understand the reason for those giddy feelings, that feeling of effusiveness every time someone new bursts into their lives.

They say that the enamored personality is one that jumps from flower to flower , which defines emotional immaturity and even a certain sense of irresponsibility. After all, sometimes they leave a relationship to start a new one, ditching love affairs to hug new ones and take advantage of that "dopamine and serotonin rush." Now, beyond whether or not this may be applicable to all cases, there is an undeniable fact.

It also suffers. Who is defined by that affective volatility, by falling in love every two by three, by deluding himself with some, getting bored with others, dreaming of that new neighbor, wishing that new coworker or starting to see that person in a different way than every day He serves the coffee, he also suffers from disappointment and can be hurt in many ways.

Not all loves are reciprocated. And not all couples end up being what one thought at first. Because the lover always rushes, runs the risk of seeing what he is not and, on occasions, he even puts aside his self-esteem and dignity. Let's analyze it in detail.

Why do I fall in love so easily? These are the causes

Nothing is as exciting as falling in love. The brain is trapped in that chemical wreck orchestrated by neurotransmitters . The mind is inflamed with illusions, fantasies and desires. Few things are as pleasant as that attraction that we can suddenly experience for that someone who suddenly bursts into our life.

Arthur Aron, a motivational social psychologist at New York University, talks to us in a study of an interesting term: the expansion of the self. When we meet someone desirable, when a person who attracts us breaks into our life, that emotional intensity magnifies us, renews expectations and we even pay more attention to ourselves, hoping to be desirable for the other.

We could say that when we fall in love not only does life look different, we also see ourselves differently . It is like putting on an effervescent positivity and that feeling can be very addictive for people in love. However, let's see more reasons that can explain this fact.

Tendency to Idealize: A Form of Suffering

"Why do I fall in love so easily?" Sometimes behind this question there is a very specific answer: because you idealize excessively. Perhaps you are one of those people with a natural tendency to put a golden filter on others, placing extra ingredients on who attracts you, who catches your attention.

Said Sigmund Freud that sometimes, when we choose someone you do is give it dimensions that we would like to have: personal safety, wit, originality, charisma, charm, intellectual brilliance ... I mean, the amorous can project onto others what they most admire and desire.

Low self-esteem: I look for anyone to fill my gaps

When one walks the world with a notable low self-esteem, he desperately searches for something or someone to cover his shortcomings , his insecurities. Thus and almost without realizing it, we are attracted to anyone who treats us well, who gives us a compliment, treats us with affection or highlights any of our virtues.

When you love yourself little or nothing, you settle for crumbs.

I get excited right away (addiction to falling in love)

There are addicts to falling in love, but not to love . I mean, whoever wonders that "why do I fall in love so easily?" It must be considered that, perhaps, he is addicted to dopamine , to that neurotransmitter that emerges strongly in the first sentence of the attraction. It is that deceptive love that arises with attraction, with the mind that is deluded, that fantasizes and wanders with pure desire.

Those substances that the brain secretes in the early stages of falling in love are very pleasant . So much so that one always ends up falling into them. We have not just started a relationship with someone when soon a stranger or stranger arises that attracts us irremediably. Regardless of whether that ends in a sexual encounter or not, in a relationship or not, the brain cannot help but be deluded.

The dependent personality

Behind the dependent personality is often the fear of loneliness . Also the profile of who needs to always have someone by the hand, without the need for that someone, to be appropriate. The important thing is to have a person on the other side of the pillow, on the other side of the sofa.

That fear and that anguish of loneliness makes them feel attracted to anyone who, at any given moment, shows interest in them. Something like this can make them "jump" from person to person and relationship and relationship, every time someone shows some kind of deference or deference.

Why do I fall in love so easily? Because I don't learn from past experiences

There are people who do not learn from their mistakes. Moreover, no matter how painful the experiences of the past have been, they repeat them again. Why it happens? Regarding this issue there is an interesting fact. Tilmann Klein and Dr. Markus Ullsperger from the Max Planck Institute in Leipzig, (Germany) tell us in an article the advances of a research they are carrying out.

The reason why some people do not learn from their failures or mistakes could be genetic and orchestrated by what is known as an A1 mutation. What this alteration does is reduce the number of D2 receptors in the brain, which are the sites where dopamine is coupled.

What does this translate to? In no longer having any interest or motivation to learn from the failures of the past . So one repeats them continuously.

To conclude, it is still important to know what orchestrates the falling in love behavior. Knowing the causes that motivate one to be delusional almost constantly in some people and after others can help us control it. At the end of the day, these situations bring happiness last . Let's think about it.

Sleeping is a must. If we want to perform physically and mentally the next day, it is necessary that we have enjoyed a good sleep the night before. Only by having good sleep hygiene can we wake up rested and full of energy.

According to Harvard psychologist and author of The Sociopath Next Door , Martha Stout, one in 25 people is a sociopath . This can represent a real problem for today's society.