Tips to face heartbreak

09.09.2020

Heartbreak is a type of discomfort that affects or has affected many people, since the world of falling in love, by frequently leading to very intense feelings about how someone feels, can lead to disappointments on numerous occasions .

Here we will see what heartbreak is and how to overcome it from the point of view of psychology and emotional well-being , through various tips.

What is heartbreak and how does it appear?

Heartbreak is the psychological phenomenon characterized by emotional pain that appears when experiencing the end of a love story in which one was involved . It is an experience that often goes hand in hand with the breakup and separation, but it is not always like that.

On the one hand, the cases of people who continue in a relationship for years despite having suffered a love disappointment and not staying with the other person because of the love they feel towards her are not rare, but for other motivations. In cases like this, although these people know that they are no longer in a loving relationship (at least, not one in which feelings are reciprocated), they continue to move forward making their lack of love coexist with the presence of the other person in their day to day. day.

On the other hand, it must be taken into account that technically it is possible to suffer heartbreak despite not having started a love relationship. This is what happens, for example, when someone is rejected by whom they had fallen in love with.

And it is that the important thing about heartbreak is not so much that the love story that we see moving away from us has become real beyond our imagination , but that we have gotten used to taking it for granted, to integrating it into our day to day even if it is without the active participation of the one we love. In fact, it is usual that after a "crush" people spend a lot of time fantasizing about what their life together with the one who has captivated them will be like, which leads to hope and not to conceive other plans for the future without that special someone.

Thus, in many cases, heartbreak is an experience similar to the psychological grief that occurs when a loved one dies. However, unlike the case of those who miss someone who has passed away, in heartbreak many contradictory feelings often arise, since the fact of seeing how the person we have fallen in love with moves away from us can arouse resentment .

Thus, in heartbreak, at least two mechanisms of discomfort usually appear: missing the person, on the one hand, and experiencing doubts about what we should feel for them , as we will see.

The differential fact: affective ambivalence

As we have seen, part of what makes heartbreak a painful experience is the feeling of loss, the idea that day to day has lost one of its most important aspects, which is the company of the person we have come to love. But something that also produces discomfort is the indecision about how to relate to what we have left: the memories about that person .

And it is that heartbreak forces us to make the decision about whether to continue perceiving that person and our relationship in the same way we did before the disappointment, or whether to rethink our position on what we have been doing up to that moment: what relationship did we aspire to? Have we been reasonable in setting our expectations? Was that relationship something authentic, or a mirage that only took place in our heads? Is the other person as valuable and special as we thought?

These and many other questions give rise to reconsidering both the person with whom we fell in love and the way in which they have come to our lives , and on many occasions this uncomfortable process leads to a very critical attitude about what happened, the reproaches arise towards one or both parties.

What to do?

These are some tips on how to overcome heartbreak and turn the page in the best possible way.

1. Don't base everything on demonizing the other person

If you concentrate all your frustrations and all your sadness projecting those feelings on whoever awakened love in you, making him responsible for everything that happened, you will only be hiding your pain under the rug , since you will learn to give great importance to that person: you will learn to fear That it appears again in your life and, in a matter of minutes or seconds, makes you feel bad again by doing something that does not fit with that artificial and Manichaean vision that you have created for yourself.

In addition, it will also awaken in you an insane competitiveness, which will lead you to try to "be better than her" to show that you have matured more, which is contradictory.

2. Learn to tolerate your flaws by looking back

When looking back at past situations, it is very easy to detect failures and blunders in one's own behavior, among which perhaps we would include not having detected signs that we were generating overly optimistic expectations about the relationship we were going to have with the other person.

It is important to stop and analyze how constructive and useful it is to wallow in self-criticism for the sake of self-criticism , rather than assuming that no one can know everything at all times and focus on drawing a lesson. Which brings us to the next tip.

3. Orient yourself towards learning

Very well, you have suffered a heartbreak experience, but ... what have you learned from that? Emotions are a very powerful way of fixing memories , and that is why, if you can come to an accurate conclusion about what has happened, the experience will allow you to mature more emotionally quite quickly, since you will always have that lesson at hand. .

Of course, it prevents it from producing a very pessimistic bias or it will close more doors than it will open. Consider how this experience can help you be happier.

4. Focus on your well-being, not on feeding narratives

If the lack of love has arisen in part because of having been subject to an overly idealized narrative about what that relationship was or was going to be, it is important not to fall again into such a trap but with the opposite sign: a totally pessimistic and disenchanted, practically marked by cynicism, about human relationships.

At the end of the day, these perspectives that tend to simplify reality (either towards optimism or towards pessimism) only work for themselves, leading us to interpret everything that happens to us in a way that validates that way of seeing things.

We do not want to be slaves to such a flat and totalizing philosophy of life , but to obtain a way of perceiving things that has the necessary nuances to give ourselves room for maneuver and have autonomy, assuming that we cannot always be right or know everything that is happening in us and in our relationships.

5. If you do not progress, go to psychological therapy

Psychotherapy is the most effective way to overcome emotional problems of this type, and offers personalized professional help adapted to each case.

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