What to do when you like someone, but not their physique

29.04.2020

Interpersonal attraction depends on many more factors than the mere perception of physical attractiveness, which can be occasional and temporary. In other words, whether you like a person does not only depend on whether they seem physically attractive to you. What's more, physical attractiveness isn't even a requirement for you to like it.

It is true that, socially, it is much more accepted to be with someone who complies with the canons of beauty than with someone who does not. So it is normal that sometimes we are assailed by doubts about whether we should go out with that person, or embarrassed that they see us with them. But the reality is that all these are prejudices imposed on us by culture. There is nothing objective about it, and the proof is that what is considered beautiful changes with the times. So, are you going to give up meeting a person you like, just because your physique doesn't appeal to you?

So, the first thing to do is accept that you like and get rid of the prejudices that give so much importance to the physical. This step is important to lead to the next: once we have accepted it, and we put aside those prejudices, we can begin to develop a healthy bond, a relationship with that person. And as you discover more and more, you will know what type of relationship you want and you will define it. You may end up being just friends, or not. In addition, the perception of attractiveness can change over time, since the more you know a person and the more you like him, the more beautiful he seems to you.

You may also be interested in reading as a related article:

I am not physically attracted to him, but I like the way he is

As we have mentioned before, there are many factors that influence interpersonal attraction. What does attraction depend on?

  • Proximity. Physical proximity not only makes it easier for you to get to know and stay with that person, but also influences whether you can like him.
  • Affected. They are the kind of feelings that person provokes in you: if they make you feel good, they will tend to like you.
  • Personality. There are certain personality traits that tend to be valued more, and that greatly influence the attraction you may feel for her.
  • Likeness. We like people who are more like us more.
  • Reciprocity. If in addition to being like the other person, he gives us feedback, the chances that we like him increase.
  • Physical attractiveness. People who are physically pleasing to us tend to like us more.

Seeing how so many variables influence attraction to another person, it is easier to understand how the lack of physical attractiveness can be supplied by all or a set of others. Physical attractiveness is only a plus, something that you can perceive in many people without knowing it, something that will simply make it easier for you to have more interest in knowing it at first. But it does not guarantee that the other dimensions fit. For affection, personality, likeness, and reciprocity, you need to know the person better, and that's where you really know if you like him.

For all this, it is perfectly understandable that you like someone for their way of being, even if you are not physically attracted to them.

I love my partner very much, but I am not sexually attracted to him, can I?

As we have explained before, you can like a person even if their physique does not attract you. The grace of this type of relationship is that it is not based on appearance, but you like it for something deeper. You have known her, you have gotten along, you get along well... Is it any wonder that feelings of love for her can emerge? So honest feelings of love, that it even shocks you that you can feel them without being sexually attracted to you. But there is nothing abnormal about it. There are many ways to love and not all of them imply the sexual attraction for the couple. In fact, there are people who simply do not feel sexual attraction to anyone, and that does not prevent them from wanting or having a partner, because there are more types of attraction:

  • Sexual attraction: the one that causes the desire for intimate approach and / or sexual contact with the other person.
  • Romantic attraction: the feeling of wanting to be in a romantic relationship with the other person, even falling in love.
  • Sentimental attraction: sensation experienced towards a person that provokes intense feelings in you, without falling in love.
  • Aesthetic attraction: attraction that is felt by the physical aspect of something or someone, without implying sexual or romantic attraction, that is, that something or someone seems pretty or pretty to you.
  • Sensory attraction: desire to have non-sexual contact with that person, such as wanting to hug someone who seems "super cuddly."
  • Intellectual attraction: attraction for the intellect, knowledge or faculties of a person, which can be given by admiration or respect.
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