When adult siblings stop talking

07.08.2020

The fact that siblings stop talking to each other is often a particularly painful circumstance. Disagreements, different personalities, disappointments ... There are many causes that can generate disagreement. Now, if it is our wish, what can we do to turn the situation around?

When adult siblings stop talking, they experience profound suffering. As striking as it may seem, it is a frequent event, a sad but common reality, one in which the breakdown of fraternal ties leaves unavoidable voids and permanent discomforts. Angers, disagreements, taking different directions ... There are many causes behind these situations.

The fact itself is still puzzling. From a social perspective, the bond between siblings is seen as an institution, as something indissoluble . In fact, many people have in these figures their daily support and that habitual reference with which to share confidences, problems and enriching moments.

The distance that is sometimes established between parents and children is often discussed. Having been through a traumatic childhood is often the most common trigger for that decision. Now, but ... what about the brothers? How can they become "blood enemies" overnight? We analyze it.

When adult siblings stop talking

Psychologist Daniel Shaw of the University of Pittsburgh, an expert in sibling relations, points out that research on this topic is scarce. On average, it is assumed that these relationships are usually good or at least acceptable . Socially, the classic idea continues that the family is an indestructible pillar, but the reality, sometimes, can be very different ...

Thus, it seems that the fact that adult siblings stop talking to each other is something problematic, something that is not talked about excessively . However, it is a situation that occurs more frequently than we think. What's more, there are those who keep it silent, turning into that wound that you do not want to talk about and that is hidden from people you know.

Rivalries and conflicts dragged on for years

Sibling rivalry is a common phenomenon. Sometimes, it can happen that a brother is the favorite of the parents and that ends up being the origin of distances, frustrations and multiple problems. In adulthood, it is common for a distancing to occur.

On the other hand, there can also be conflictive situations that mark a before and after. Far from being specific disagreements, in reality, they are events that dragged on for years, thereby demonstrating that childhood disputes with siblings are common.

Incompatible personalities

That two people have such strong blood ties does not imply compatibility or the ease of establishing a fluid relationship. Genetics do not determine the same character, the same values, principles and personality traits . This often leads to clearly incompatible siblings. Something like this can already be seen in childhood and adolescence, but it is when reaching adulthood that the most obvious differences emerge; sometimes insurmountable.

The chosen lifestyle, hobbies or partners mark disparate existential and ideological territories that end the gradual distance.

Family grudges (what I have done for the family and you haven't)

When adult siblings stop talking to each other, what may have caused it is resentment . One of the origins of this devastating emotion is what we understand as a "family investment." In other words, sometimes disputes and differences may arise when one of the parents is ill.

One of the siblings is the one who takes care of that dependent father or mother. The other brother or sisters do not assume the same collaboration and this leads to discussions and sometimes insurmountable problems.

The same thing happens when siblings leave home and form their own family. Some spend more time in contact with the other members strive to serve, to collaborate, to meet .. . Others, on the other hand, assume a more carefree attitude and this is the source of problems.

What to do when the relationship between siblings begins to distance?

Sometimes proceeding with reconciliation between siblings can be more problematic than achieving a rapprochement between parents and children . Sometimes there are events that are very difficult to manage, such as the fact that there is a "Mom's favorite" or a "Daddy's favorite." Also that we have that brother whose personality makes it almost impossible to speak, reason, reach agreements.

They are undoubtedly situations of excessive difficulty, but in many cases when adult siblings stop talking, attachment continues to exist. Therefore, there is still hope of reconciliation. The strategies that we should consider are the following:

  • Let's focus on the present . If we want to regain the relationship with our brothers, it is necessary to accept and forgive events of the past - forgive the other and also forgive ourselves. The here and now to start over.
  • Let's control expectations . Sometimes we expect a lot from others and especially from our family. Having the same blood does not impose anything, we are not obliged to be, act or respond in certain ways. This is something we must understand.
  • Let's remember the good memories, they are starting points to start over . This is a good strategy that allows us to take into account that past in which we share things by being accomplices, in which emotions united us and we were happy. With will and maturity, we can restart those feelings and give ourselves new opportunities.

To conclude, as far as possible, let us always try to repair this situation. The wound that distancing with a brother usually leaves is permanent and deep. Healing that bond is always a good investment.

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