When everything goes wrong, don't run

13.10.2020

Stop for a moment and become aware of where you are and what is happening inside you. It's time to make decisions: let's analyze which ones may be the most successful.

"Nothing comes out the way I want it, no matter how hard I try, everything ends up in the worst possible way." Many people experience this same feeling. It is as if by placing illusions, hopes and objectives in a specific goal, it soon collapses due to the most diverse factors, due to aspects that are sometimes beyond our control.

Anton Chekhov rightly said that only during difficult times does one become aware of how difficult it is to be the owner of feelings and thoughts. In some way, it is as if in the face of each adversity, the mind reels a little more , as if in the face of each disappointment, mistake or failure, the emotions are disturbed to the point of falling into the abyss of anguish.

It is true, it is not easy to maintain balance in difficult times. See that things do not happen as we want and hope frustrates and despairs . Furthermore, in these cases it is useless to cling to positive thinking, to tell ourselves that sooner or later everything will be fine. When the spirit does not accompany, it is not easy to calibrate the motivations or adjust the compass of hope .

What can we do in these situations? Is there an effective strategy we can use? Let's delve into this topic.

If nothing works out the way I want it, what steps should I take?

Daniel Gilbert is a Harvard psychologist who has gained fame in recent years . One of his best-known books is precisely Stumbling with happiness , an interesting work on the way we face adversity. Thus, something that has caught the attention of experts is why there are so many individual differences in this matter.

There are those who suffer a traffic accident and become paraplegic and, even so, give off an enviable optimism and improvement. There are, for example, who suffer the betrayal of their partner and, despite this, forgive and open a more enriching and happy stage in their relationship. Others, on the other hand, get stuck after a dismissal, plunge into a depression after an emotional deception or make a migraine the end of the world. What is the cause of this variability when dealing with difficulties and vital challenges?

Dr. Daniel Gilbert talks about the psychological immune system , a mechanism that the brain would have to process each event in a more resistant, constructive and positive way. There are people with "better defenses" and others who are instead defined by a poorer immune response.

Being able to activate, revitalize and reinforce it is in our power, especially in those times when we feel that nothing is going the way I want. Let's see what strategies we should apply.

When everything seems to go wrong, it's time to stop

There are times when nothing goes our way - we have all gone through at least one of them. There may be external factors that cause it. However, it is possible that everything goes wrong because our perception is skewed . What do we mean by this? Our internal discomfort may be placing dark glasses in our eyes, ones whose lenses are not capable of capturing light, the positive and even what is going well.

There are many people who have spent several months feeling that everything is going wrong, that every effort falls on deaf ears and that no matter how hard they try to improve something, nothing goes right. Often, behind these realities lies a depression or an anxiety disorder . It is important that we know how to stop and make contact with our interior to know what happens. Perhaps it is time to ask for help.

It's time to redefine goals: what I need is more important than what I want

When nothing goes the way I want it, maybe it's time to reflect on those wishes. Are these goals that I have set realistic? Do I have the capabilities and resources to achieve them? Is it the best time to set those goals? There are times when many of the things we yearn for and dream of are not in tune with our possibilities or the present moment.

That is why, at times, there is no other option but to pause and reflect on what we really need here now , and not so much on what we want for tomorrow.

Lean on someone to relativize: this too will pass

It is very easy to get caught up in the maze of anguish when we perceive that nothing is going my way . Little by little, we come to the conclusion that either fate conspires against us or, worse still, we are incapable of doing something right. Going to these extremes is very dangerous.

One way to put your feet on the ground and find your balance is to have someone support you. There are people who act as our beacon and our anchor. They are those figures capable of helping us to relativize to show us that even if there are bad times, we must not get carried away by the most extreme negativity. Every storm ends up passing and the essential thing is not to lose the north of our internal compass.

When nothing goes the way I want, I stop thinking to limit myself to feeling

In those times when all are disappointments, unexpected outcomes, failures and unpleasant surprises, the mind is a factory of worry . He never rests and his machinery is on 24 hours a day 7 days a week. In these states, the only thing we do is increase anxiety and make bad decisions.

Thus, when we find ourselves in the midst of these situations, the most appropriate thing is to stop thinking to limit ourselves to feeling. And how is this done? We will wonder.

There are tasks and activities done for the senses, to exercise the body and calm the mind. Strolling, listening to music, drawing, writing, painting, talking with friends, taking a trip, meditating , resting ... Allowing ourselves time to limit ourselves to being and feeling will reduce mental noise to be able to restart , take a step back and see things in perspective . Let's try it.

Sigmund Freud confessed in his letters that he was afraid to travel. He called this type of anxiety "Reiseangst", although to this day, this particular phobia is known differently and defines a condition associated with generalized anxiety disorders.

Sleeping is a must. If we want to perform physically and mentally the next day, it is necessary that we have enjoyed a good sleep the night before. Only by having good sleep hygiene can we wake up rested and full of energy.

According to Harvard psychologist and author of The Sociopath Next Door , Martha Stout, one in 25 people is a sociopath . This can represent a real problem for today's society.