Why are there people who cause us anxiety?

20.09.2020

There are relatives who with their mere presence generate anxiety. The same thing happens at work: colleagues who stress us every day with their attitude. Why happens? What can we do in these circumstances?

There are people who cause us anxiety. How is this possible? One can arrive with all the spirit, good humor and internal balance and suddenly all that well-being is broken when we are close to someone who with their attitude, words and behavior alters our emotions. It seems like magic or a strange spell, however that change has an explanation.

Leon Tolstoi said in one of his books that, sometimes, it is enough to suffer an hour to remember that malaise for a whole century. Somehow, when we share time and space with people who overwhelm or stress us, the feeling is the same. We end up accumulating exhaustion and anxiety even hours after we have walked away from them.

Does this have to do with emotional contagion? Daniel Goleman commented that each of us is responsible for how those who are close to us feel. Now, sometimes, it is not only the emotional aspect of others that alters our well-being. Factors such as personality, behaviors and communication style also end up altering us.

This fact occurs frequently at the family level and in work settings. There are always one or more figures with whom we are incompatible, those that alter our internal calm only with their presence. We analyze it.

Why are there people who cause us anxiety? Causes and strategies to handle the situation

Often, the impact on the brain of difficult people is talked about. Now, sometimes, in our closest environments we are not only forced to live with complicated figures. There are also other factors that are a little more complex and difficult to define for those who suffer from it.

Thus, someone can generate anxiety due to their open and highly extroverted character when we are more withdrawn and even shy.

We could talk about the incompatibility in interests, values, personality , ways of communicating and behaving. There are people who cause us anxiety for infinite causes and that happens is something quite common. However, the consequences when this situation is prolonged in time can be very harmful . Let's understand the causes of why it happens.

People who expect too much of you

Parents who hope their children will fulfill dreams that they could not achieve . Friendships that wait for us to be aware of them at every moment. Bosses who put their employees at a high bar expecting big goals from them every day.

Furthermore, our partners can also cause us anxiety when they expect somewhat excessive aspects of us (constant recognition, always being accessible, agreeing on everything, etc). People who expect too much from us are a fearsome source of discomfort.

  • What I can do? The one who marks what you can and what you want to do at every moment is you. It is enough that you adjust only once to the expectations of others so that others always expect it of you. Stand out, free yourself from that pressure and understand that acting as one can, wants and wishes does not mean to disappoint anyone. It involves taking care of yourself.

My character is incompatible with yours (and you stress me out)

It is not necessary that we all vote for the same political party, adore the same music or prefer cats to dogs to live together. Each one has their own universe in terms of ideals, values , passions and tastes and, despite this, despite this complexity, we are capable of sharing the same vital spaces. And that is a priority.

Thus, although we are aware that there are those who have a different character than ours and, sometimes, their way of being bothers us, it is essential to accept each person for who they are.

However, sometimes there are exceptions. There are people who cause us anxiety because they do not respect our particularities , because they judge us beforehand or, simply, they do not tolerate our opinions, choices or behaviors.

  • What I can do? When we are facing someone who does not respect the limits, it is best to establish distance. To live together you have to know how to accept the other as they are. If this does not happen, it is advisable to cut the link. In case it is a family member, it must be made clear that we cannot tolerate this behavior. If it is repeated, we will make a drastic decision.

On the other hand, if this dynamic is lived in the workspace, one aspect must be clear. Non-tolerance, harassment and constant criticism are part of mobbing and, therefore, it is reportable.

People who cause us anxiety: talking to you is impossible!

Good communication continues to be our cornerstone and outstanding account. Not everyone dominates it and those who do not listen, those who do not empathize and lead to violent communication abound . They are those who think that "either you agree with me or you are against me", men and women with whom talking about anything means ending up arguing.

The people who cause us anxiety can therefore be those who do not know how to communicate and something like that hurts . It hurts if it is our partner, our father or our sister. It is also complex if it is our boss or a co-worker.

  • What can we do? The last thing we should do in these situations is lose our cool. It is best to speakassertively, being clear, concise, direct and respectful. Before those who do not know how to listen and do not respect, it will always be better to use short messages. Every time we are not respected or the conversation leads to discussion, it is best to end that dialogue as soon as possible. At the end of the day, it is not productive and all we achieve is to lose patience.

To conclude, just note that neither of these situations is easy. Coexistence has its challenges and, sometimes, those frictions and disagreements occur even with the people who are closest to us. Setting limits and prioritizing our emotional balance should always be our first option. Let's put it into practice.

Sleeping is a must. If we want to perform physically and mentally the next day, it is necessary that we have enjoyed a good sleep the night before. Only by having good sleep hygiene can we wake up rested and full of energy.

According to Harvard psychologist and author of The Sociopath Next Door , Martha Stout, one in 25 people is a sociopath . This can represent a real problem for today's society.