You don't have to leave home to be unfaithful to your partner

21.10.2020
In an online world the possibilities are endless and the betrayals multiple. Digital hoaxes occur more and more frequently but ... what is behind this fact?

With the arrival of technology and its progressive installation in the daily DNA, a new type of emotional betrayal has appeared. We refer to digital infidelity, an increasingly common phenomenon and a source of suffering and concern in the couple relationship . Now, you no longer need to leave the house to be unfaithful and this is sometimes used as an excuse and also as a shield.

"But nothing has happened!" they tell us " But we haven't even met in person!" they insist. Despite this, the confusion is the same and the impact hurts due to emotional disloyalty, the breakdown of trust and the flagrant deception of those who seek complicity in another home. In that online world, as we see, one can have several lives parallel to that of the one who sleeps next to him without suspecting anything.

Thus, and as striking as it may seem, this type of situation does not appear only among digital nomads. Virtual deception is not unique to millennials and Gen Zers . Let's think that the consumption of Internet pornography, for example, manifests itself in any age cohort and something like this can also be considered treason if the partner does not know it or is not satisfied with it.

Digital infidelity: betrayals, sneaky emotions and self-esteem boost

Infidelities are no longer what they were, but they are no less serious for that. If before the deceptions arose with the flirtations at work or with a furtive getaway in the middle of the night in search of something new, now we just need an account on a social network . Also with registering in applications oriented for it. A few likes , some risque comments to a photo, a direct message and the game starts, the digital flirting.

There are many who believe that digital infidelity is not real infidelity. However, where is the limit? Where is the manual that allows us to differentiate which is permissible and which is not? Research papers , such as the one carried out at the National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (NIMHANS) in Bangalore, India, make it clear: online infidelity is perceived as traumatic as real infidelity. Let's dig a little deeper.

The digital world, the scene of ambiguity and remote betrayal

Digital infidelity takes place on the sly . We check our phones when our partner is not looking for a new message. We have conversations or sexting (sending messages or photographs with high sexual content) behind the other's back and in a furtive way. Is this type of behavior really not a problem?

There are many who still see some confusion in digital infidelity. After all, that bawdy flirtation on Instagram almost never comes to anything real. How important is it if one continues to love one's partner? they insist. In that online world, the possibilities are endless and there is nothing wrong with taking advantage of it (they tell themselves). However, the reality is different.

Virtual flirting is a clear betrayal and the reasons are the following:

  • With digital infidelity, we completely violate the principle of trust.
  • A part of us knows that this flirtation, that those sexual messages could hurt the other person if they knew it.
  • Infidelity does not mean exclusively sexually betraying your partner. It involves seeking intimacy in someone other than the one with whom we have a commitment. The intentions have as much implication as the actions themselves.

Now, studies such as those carried out at Northcentral University (California) show us something interesting. Emotional infidelity is seen as something much more serious than sexual infidelity online. Likewise, men, on average, view digital infidelity less seriously than women.

The self-esteem problem as a trigger for digital infidelity

When that exchange of likes , comments and intimate conversations begins , most people do not seek to cheat on their partner . The purpose is not sex or betrayal as such.

What exists, in reality, is the longing for new experiences, the adrenaline rush , the reinforcement of self-esteem, the search for furtive emotion giving illusion to a moment of the day.

  • The profile of the digital infidel is someone with low self-esteem who needs quick reinforcement .
  • We cannot forget that there are countless portals and applications enriching themselves precisely with this type of need. Emotional problems are a business for large Internet companies.
  • Where am I in today's dating market? Another reason digital flirting is practiced is to see if one still has "potential." Am I still attractive? If I didn't have a partner now, could I find another one quickly? It is enough to enter certain pages or try your luck on social networks to find out.
  • The digital universe is simpler than the real world. This is, without a doubt, another obvious question: the online world moves at a different pace, it has different rules and everything is more stimulating and, above all, fast. We sign up for certain applications to search for something specific, we enter groups with similar tastes ... All of this saves us from wasting time, navigating anonymity and obtaining what we want in no time.

To conclude, the times of Sex, lies and videotapes that Steven Soderbergh brought us in that famous 90's movie have completely changed. Sex is already possible in another type of scenario, videotapes have given way to mobile phones and lies, yes, they are still falsehoods that hurt and break relationships.

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