Your world ceased to be after the death of a child

05.11.2020
Many things change; also ourselves. However, we can integrate appropriate strategies to carry out a healthier grief and be able to live without this suffering paralyzing us.

How does life change after the death of a child? Few questions are more complex to answer, few sufferings are more stark (and unnatural) than that journey through which many mothers and fathers are forced to go. Incomprehension, anger, confusion, rejection, despair ... The emotions that emerge in these experiences are as sharp as they are traumatic. Nobody comes out unscathed from these adverse experiences.

It is clear that life is no longer the same after this type of loss . They are often unexpected deaths, the kind that violate the order of things and that one could never have imagined . And yet they happen daily.

Nobody is prepared for a similar experience and therefore, from the psychological field, we know that this is one of the most complicated duels . The risk of leading to some type of disorder is frequent, to the point that in many cases health problems can even arise.

Something we must know is that this death will not be forgotten. That emptiness will always be present. However, we can integrate that fact so that it hurts much less , so that it allows us to breathe again and, above all, to live again, giving way to another stage.

This is how life changes after the death of a child

Each loss of a child is unique. In recent years, for example, a historically forgotten type of suffering, such as perinatal losses , has already become visible . The death of a child during pregnancy and not reaching full term can also be traumatic. Likewise, the experience of the child who falls ill and who, finally, ends up leaving us, is also lived in a particular way.

Young children, adolescents or young adults who lose their lives early; Each grief over the death of a child is different and very personal . Often, even the parents themselves do not experience it in the same way and this can be a reason for distance between their own couple, sometimes.

There are many factors that outline, outline and erode this type of reality. So let's see how life changes after the death of a child.

A loss that always takes its toll physically and psychologically

The emotional trauma from the loss of a child is intense and often enduring. It is very common for different psychological problems such as depression, anxiety , feelings of guilt and even suicidal thoughts to be triggered .

The months after the loss itself are decisive, hence the importance of receiving specialized help. There are professionals who can accompany us through this period with greater temperance.

On the other hand, there is a fact that we must consider. The impact of the death of a child is more serious in elderly parents. Studies such as those carried out at the University of Tel Aviv (Israel) indicate that, although the results are not entirely conclusive, it is suspected that these experiences can reduce the life expectancy of parents, especially if they are elderly.

You have to redefine the meaning of life

If we ask ourselves how life changes after the death of a child, there is a fact that explains it. Life ceases to have meaning, purpose, consistency. Everything collapses after the loss of that being that leaves us in an unnatural, unexpected way. The projects themselves, the prospects for the future and even the present fade and collapse.

Thus, one thing parents are forced to do is redefine their purposes and find new meanings . This is a slow, delicate process with many ups and downs. However, at the end there comes a time when pain ceases to be that existential epicenter and allows us to once again direct our eyes and hearts to new goals. But without losing love for those who are gone.

We must "decide" how to remember the lost son

The experience of the death of a child is often lived with a feeling of guilt. It is common for parents to feel that they could have done more, that certain things that happened were their responsibility, etc. This mental focus does not help, but it further chronifies the grief.

Although it sounds contradictory, we must decide how to remember that loved one. We have two options: feed the memory focused on pain, suffering , images of his last days or do it in another way. The most appropriate thing is to honor the memory of our son. The mind must find refuge in the best moments of that child or that young person.

Your hobbies, your tastes, passions and achievements should be those seats in which to rest your heart to extinguish the pain. A memory that focuses on the best of those who are no longer there will allow us to live better.

How life changes after the death of a child: learning to live with sadness without neglecting others

The wound caused by the death of a child does not heal, the reality is that; but it is assimilated and we can learn to live with that loss. It is true that no one is prepared for it, that society itself does not even have a name for whoever loses that person who has been given birth or raised with an incombustible love. Whoever loses their spouse is a widower or widower, but ... what is there with this type of death so out of the ordinary?

There are many who improvise, those who desperately try to resist, living with sadness and going through grief in their own way. The most decisive thing, despite the harshness of the experience, is not to forget those around us. If there are more children it is necessary to focus on them. We cannot neglect the partner and even less, ourselves.

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